• About

Kathy Stoddard Torrey

~ Leadership Coach and Trainer

Kathy Stoddard Torrey

Monthly Archives: September 2019

Just Pick Up The Books!

24 Tuesday Sep 2019

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Delegation, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#DanPink, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays, #mastery, #smallsuccessesfirst, #starteasy

child cleaning 1K

When my sons were young, I would tell them to go and clean their room. One could handle his part of the job. The other was completely overwhelmed by the task. He would sit on the floor and become engrossed in the books that he was supposed to be putting on the shelf. Getting him to clean his part of the room was a bit of a battle.

I thought about the appropriateness of the chore. Cleaning one’s room is not an unreasonable expectation. However, a room that has gotten out of hand can be daunting. I find my own room intimidating to clean when I put it off for too long.

One day, I decided to break the task up into manageable bits so he wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. I asked him to put away one category of items for ten minutes. For example, I asked him to just put away books for ten minutes. I wanted to set him up for success.

When we first take on a task or assign one to someone else, we want the experience to be a positive one. If we overwhelm someone with too much information in the beginning, they can lose hope. As leaders, we want to do what we can to ensure success early. It’s easy to increase the difficulty of the actions as a person’s skill and familiarity with a task grows.

Instead of dumping an entire task on someone, we can break it down into pieces. If an employee’s ultimate responsibility is to compile information and create a complex report, we can hand over the requirements in pieces.

For example, we could first have them collect the information from the various people they will collaborate with. It would give them a chance to meet fellow employees and learn why the information is important. They could also ensure the information is in the proper format, and learn what that looks like and why we request the information in that way. Then we move on and have them do another piece of the report.

In the book Drive, Daniel Pink states that mastery is one of the things that motivates people. We want to become good at doing things. We want to do tasks well and with ease. Mastery comes with practice. If we ask too much in the beginning, we can make mastery seem like a far-fetched goal. We want people to experience small successes along the way. Each success builds confidence and motivates us to take on the next level of the task.

Another reason to begin with easy is that we want to create a positive feeling about the task and avoid a bad attitude. My nephew’s teacher is requiring four days of creative writing a week. He is eight years old and faces frustration and anger each evening as he cranks out two pages of creative writing. His attitude toward writing is not good at the moment. My sister is currently advocating on his behalf with the teacher so that he won’t decide that he is not a good writer or that he will never write again.

My son was successful when I set a time limit and had him focus on just one part of the entire job. Gradually, we lengthened the time and broadened the scope of what he would do at one time. Each small win made him feel more confident that he could handle cleaning his room.

The key is to ensure that any job we do ourselves or assign to another never feels hopeless. We can all master our tasks – and have a positive attitude about them – if we create small successes that build up to complete proficiency. It might feel like it takes longer to delegate in this way, but the positive feelings and errors that we avoid far outweigh a little bit of time.


For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

 

Imagery Is the Lighthouse of Great Leadership

17 Tuesday Sep 2019

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in #Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#dogsled, #imagery, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays, #lighthouse

leadership imagery lighthouse 1K pix

One of the ways to inspire people is to use imagery. Imagery also makes ideas and concepts easier to understand.

We create imagery using analogies, metaphors, and similes. Frankly, I look up the definition of these terms every time I write about them, and I still can’t keep them straight. Let’s just say that we inspire others when we use imagery to show them how one thing is like another.

Here is some imagery that I use to show the importance of a leader having a clear vision and getting everyone to move toward that vision.

dog sled 1

This is a dog sled with the dogs arranged in a gangline team configuration. It’s the one with which we are most familiar. However, if the terrain is rough and the dogs need to be able to avoid obstacles and rough ice, the musher will arrange the dogs in a fan hitch, pictured below.

dog sled 2

The fan hitch allows the dogs more freedom and flexibility, which is the same thing that great leaders give their employees. It’s an ideal arrangement as long as the musher or leader can keep everyone pulling in the same direction. You can imagine the loss of direction for the entire team if one dog pulls off in a 90-degree angle from the rest of the pack. One troublesome employee can have the same effect.

That imagery helps to show the importance of a leader having a direction, clearly communicating that vision, and ensuring that everyone is working toward that goal. We can clearly see how one employee can derail momentum, efficiency, and success.

When trying to make a point or explain an idea, we can think of what imagery might illustrate the concept. We can start by asking how this situation is similar to another one.

The title of this blog compares imagery to a lighthouse. Why do you think that I picked a lighthouse? A lighthouse shines a bright light out into the darkness. The light both guides boats towards home and warns them off of a rocky coast. If a crew is lost and unsure of where to go, the beam from a lighthouse is a welcome sight.

Actually, I often think of myself and my work as a lighthouse. I want to hold up a shining example for leaders to strive for, and also warn them off of behaviors that are unproductive or harmful. I want to create hope and direction in a world that is often murky and confusing. The imagery of my work as a lighthouse helps me stay motivated and on-track.

What imagery would help you and your organization stay motivated and moving in a positive direction? I’d love to hear your ideas!


For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

 

Stages of Grief and Change

10 Tuesday Sep 2019

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Change, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays, #LeadingChange, #StagesofGrief

stages of grief 1K px

In leadership workshops on leading change, I always include a discussion of the stages of grief. When something changes, the old thing or way is gone. When we feel a sense of loss, we grieve.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote about the stages of grief in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. She created the model from research she did on people who were facing death. The stages of grief in the Kübler-Ross model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance.

It is important to note that there is not a clear progression from one stage to the next and no “normal” time frame for each stage. People are unique, and each one processes grief differently. In addition, the research has been applied by therapists and the public to anyone grieving, not just those facing death, and the research doesn’t support the shift.

However, the Kübler-Ross model does normalize many of the feelings that people experience when facing a loss. For me, that’s where its real value lies. From my own experience and the experiences of my coaching clients, I often see denial, anger, depression, and acceptance as common emotions when facing a loss.

For example, in 2009 I had brain surgery. I had an abnormality that the doctor repaired by inserting a few platinum coils to redirect the blood flow. After the surgery, I lost my ability to do difficult physical tasks that raised my heart rate. I became a wimp! Being a wimp really hurt. I had always considered myself an athlete, and now my athleticism and endurance were gone. It felt like an enormous loss.

In the beginning, I did deny that any change had happened. I worked to try and increase my stamina, but I never got better. Each time I did a hard workout, I ended up on the sofa for several days with nausea and dizziness. It was so frustrating!

Denial can be useful if the loss is so overwhelming that we can’t process all the implications at one time. Our brains give us one piece at a time so that we don’t become completely overwhelmed.

I did go through the stages in order, even though that isn’t always the case. Next, I was angry. I was so angry. Life was unfair, and something precious had been taken from me. I growled at the world for quite a while, but anger takes a lot of emotional energy to maintain.

Depression came next. My depression was marked by a complete sense of hopelessness. What was the point of going on in this condition? I had trouble standing up in front of a group to facilitate for a few hours. I love facilitating, and it had taken me a long time to find my calling, which was now being taken away. I facilitated, but it was a struggle.

Eventually, I did reach a level of acceptance. I sat down and wrote out a list of all the things that I could do in an effort to stop dwelling on the things that I couldn’t do. My health did improve enough to facilitate, but I can’t do it Monday through Friday without taking the next week off.

I do still dip back into depression and anger now and again, but I don’t stay there for long. There are many people with bigger obstacles than the ones that I face. Counting my blessings, the things that I’ve accomplished, the people that I’ve helped, and the family that I love all help me move back to acceptance.

Now, how does all of this relate to change in the workplace? Even a change in one procedure can create a sense of loss for someone. Perhaps the procedure makes the person feel less valuable. Perhaps it removes some control or authority. The new procedure could be inconvenient and irritating. You wouldn’t believe the complaints I’ve heard from more than one organization about changes to the copy machines!

There are ways before, during, and after a change to make it easier on everyone, but I want to focus on the part grief plays in this blog.

As leaders, when someone is resisting change, we want to look for the loss and the feelings around the loss. Remember, there is a fact and a feeling part in every situation. We cannot begin to guess how a change is affecting someone. The best way to move forward is to ask.

People don’t usually resist change just to be ornery, although I have seen people with change fatigue lash out. The last change in a long line of changes can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. However, most of the time people resist change because they feel like have lost something of value. It’s up to us to help them move through their feelings, which may or may not follow Kübler-Ross’ model.

Our personal needs are to be listened to, understood, and respected. We can help people move through grief by filling those needs by asking curious questions and showing some compassion.


For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

 

Give it a shot!

03 Tuesday Sep 2019

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

#GiveItaShot, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays, #risk

arts and crafts hands 1K px

Over the years, I’ve tried a lot of different hobbies while looking for a creative outlet. I started with crocheting in high school. I made a hot pink and purple afghan. Then, I went on to needlepoint. I have some lovely shells hanging in one of the bathrooms that I finished in the ‘80s. I failed at knitting. The sweater vest that I made wouldn’t fit over my head. I had the year of baskets in the ‘90s. I’ve tried drawing, but I still haven’t found my thing.

However, that doesn’t keep me from continuing to try new things. Right now, I have a bag of floss and a book on freestyle embroidery that are waiting for me to begin. The point is that I will never find the thing I love doing if I don’t keep experimenting. The battle cry is “Give it a shot!” If I don’t like it, it’s not a failure. I just don’t like it!

A friend called to tell me that a man was showing interest in her. He was recently out of another relationship, and she didn’t feel he was over it. She decided to give the relationship a shot, knowing that it might not work out. In the end, it didn’t, and she was disappointed, but not regretful over a missed opportunity. When we give something a chance, there is always the possibility that it won’t work out, but that’s okay. There is also always the possibility that it will.

Great leaders are bold, and they often live by the maxim “Give it a shot!” “It” could be a new process or procedure. “It” could be a new job or entering a new target market. Of course, great leaders do research, but it’s hard to know with 100% accuracy what will work. Sometimes, we just have to give it a shot.

The key to trying new things is jumping in wholeheartedly – whether it’s knitting, an advertising campaign, or a relationship. It’s only a failure if we don’t give it our all. Failure for lack of trying and commitment is failure. Otherwise, it’s just a learning experience.

What new thing can you try out? Maybe it’s a new look or a new way to prepare chicken! Perhaps a more authoritative way to communicate might be worth a try. You might love painting! Look around in your heart for something that sounds interesting or compelling and give it a shot! It’s great practice for the bigger leadership opportunities that are sure to come your way.


For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Follow Blog via Email

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,002 other subscribers
  • RSS - Posts

Categories

Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

Archives

  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • February 2014
  • January 2014

Powered by WordPress.com.