Monthly Archives: May 2017

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model: Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning

30 Tuesday May 2017

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Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model

  1. Peaceful Base
  2. Physical Health
  3. Positivity Spiral
  4. Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning
  5. Positive Relationships
  6. Spiritual Connectedness
  7. Financial Stability

To bloom and flourish, we want to spend as much of our time as possible doing things that create flow for us. “Flow” is a term defined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, and you are in flow when you are doing something and lose your sense of time. You are so engrossed in this activity that you don’t think about anything else.

Activities that create a sense of flow generally have three components. First, you are good at the activity; you have the necessary skills to accomplish the task. Second, the task has meaning for you; it’s in alignment with your values, priorities, and goals. Lastly, you enjoy the activity; it is a challenge that you want to accomplish. Flow activities are in the sweet spot of the diagram below.

Flow Venn Diagram

It’s important to be able to identify the characteristics of each circle. If you are unsure of what you are good at or what you like to do, revisit my March blogs on uncovering your authentic self. At the end of that series, we could each list these things about ourselves:

  1. Things I enjoy doing
  2. Things I do not like to do
  3. My superpowers
  4. Characteristics I want to minimize
  5. Values my ideal self holds dear
  6. My ideal self’s priorities right now
  7. Beliefs that support my ideal self
  8. Beliefs that I hold now for which my ideal self has no use
  9. Possible careers/jobs that my ideal self would love

If you haven’t caught on yet, all of the pillars of Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model require some effort to achieve. Almost everything worth having requires some work. Finding your flow activities is no different. Even knowing the things in the list above, it’s going to take some trial and error.

Our ideal situation looks like this:

Flow one arrow

 

 

For the most part we intentionally spend our time on fun challenges that have meaning for us and that we have the required skills to achieve.

 

 

 

However, this is what represents most of our lives:

Flow scattered arrows

We are scattered and without purpose.

If you are like most people, you aren’t 100% sure of the things that put you in flow, and you don’t spend your time intentionally. However, we want to be in flow as much as we can be.

Csikszentmihalyi discovered this about participants in his studies: “When challenges and skills were both high, they felt happiness, more cheerful, stronger, more active; they concentrated more; they felt more creative and satisfied.” Wow! I want more of that!

The key is to be willing to experiment. I don’t think we go from scattered to focused in one fell swoop. It’s more of progression that looks like this:

Flow arrow transition complete

We learn the types of activities that create flow, and we incorporate more of those into our lives. For example, I might find that scrapbooking is completely engrossing for me. It challenges my creativity and drawing skills in a fun way. Leaving a legacy of family fun that is beautiful to look at has meaning for me. I won’t know if I like scrapbooking, making kombucha, writing short stories, or building a shed until I try.

Now, there is no need to try things that sound like an awful idea to you. In fact, we want to get rid of as many activities as possible that we don’t want to do. Of course, the laundry and dishes will always be there. If you like doing laundry and dishes, that’s great! If you don’t, know that our goal is to be as intentional with our time as we can. We want to decline to do activities like being treasurer for the scout troop if they don’t appeal to us. We want to set healthy boundaries and say yes only to things that move us forward and create flow.

A part of creating flow is our mindset. Csikszentmihalyi made some fascinating discoveries during his research. Participants wore a beeper that went off at random times. When it beeped, the participants immediately wrote down what they were doing and how they felt about it.

People were in flow more often at work; they were absorbed in what they were doing, and their skills matched the challenge. However, even though they were in a state that makes people feel happy, cheerful, and strong, they said that they’d rather be doing something else. We have a negativity bias towards things that we do at work even if they are things that we like to do!

I can only guess as to why this is true. In general, we have a societal attitude towards work that is not great. Many times that negative attitude has been earned by businesses and organizations. However, we are only hurting ourselves if we don’t embrace and fully enjoy the moments at work when we are in flow.

Csikszentmihalyi’s other interesting finding is that although we say we prefer leisure time, we don’t actually do much with our leisure time that creates flow. People with hobbies are the exception. Building model train layouts, knitting, and working with wood can all create a sense of flow and accomplishment.

Here’s a summary of how to strengthen the pillar of Flow/Meaning/Accomplishment in Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model:

  1. Know yourself, your superpowers, your likes, your dislikes, and what actions have meaning for you.
  2. Experiment. Try different things! If you aren’t sure if you’d like to do something, give it a shot!
  3. Say no to things that don’t move you forward or create a sense of flow. It’s okay to set healthy boundaries. When you say yes to something that doesn’t interest you, you are saying no to something that would. Time is a limited resource.
  4. Create a more positive mindset about moments of flow at work so that you can reap the benefits of happiness and strength.
  5. Intentionally create moments of flow during your leisure time. We all love a fun challenge and the sense of accomplishment that we get when we are done.

Life is a journey! Along the way we want to create more of what we want and less of what we don’t want. It takes some intentional choice and action, but it is totally worth it.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model: Positivity Spiral

23 Tuesday May 2017

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Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model

  1. Peaceful Base
  2. Physical Health
  3. Positivity Spiral
  4. Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning
  5. Positive Relationships
  6. Spiritual Connectedness
  7. Financial Stability

Creating and increasing positivity is something I talk about all the time because I believe it holds the key to a life worth living. Studies show that great leaders have positive attitudes and that we are more attractive when we are positive; people like being around positive individuals.

However, like most things that are worth having, you have to work for it. Happiness, joy, and positivity don’t just land in your lap. At least they don’t land in mine! Those positive feelings are things I create and keep alive with daily, intentional thoughts and actions.

Our human brains are hardwired to notice problems and potential danger. We are more likely to pay attention to negative events than positive ones. We also hold on to negative events longer and with more intensity. When we are creating positivity, we are retraining our brains. We are intentionally choosing what we notice, think, and remember.

Mindfulness is being fully present in the moment. It helps us focus on what we want. Mindfulness is great training for our brains. You can eat, walk, breathe, and meditate mindfully. If you are completely focused on what you are doing and experiencing, your mind doesn’t have a chance to chatter and spin.

Mindfulness gives your brain a mini-vacation and can leave you feeling refreshed. Instead of walking or running with headphones, listen to the sounds around you. Intentionally focus on the feel of your foot as it touches the ground. Feel the air coming in your nose and filling your lungs. Which muscles are you using? Embrace the feeling of moving strong muscles. You don’t have to exercise mindfully every time, but it’s a nice change of pace and good exercise for your brain. You learn to focus intentionally instead of being at the mercy of a gerbil brain running on its wheel.

Another good brain-training activity that has lots of great research behind it is meditation. A good start is a mindful meditation; focus on your breath and the feelings in your body as you meditate. There are mindful meditations online that you can download and use.

The type of meditation that gives the most positive results is a Loving Kindness Meditation. In a Loving Kindness Meditation, you are asking for love, health, abundance, and happiness for yourself and others. After a few weeks of doing a Loving Kindness Meditation daily for only 10 minutes, you can:

  • Increase your empathy and compassion for others.
  • Decrease inflammation in your body.
  • Become more resilient.
  • Increase your resistance to viruses.
  • Generate positive emotions.
  • Be more creative.
  • Broaden your awareness to see the big picture.

Wow! That’s a lot of great stuff from an investment of 10 minutes a day! You can find guidelines online for Loving Kindness Meditations. Sometimes people have a negative feeling about the word “meditation,” because they feel that it has connotations of Eastern Religions. For me, “meditation” is a time of spiritual connection to your higher power. There are Christian Loving Kindness Meditations if that resonates with you. In my mind, I am asking for grace and blessings for myself and others when I do a Loving Kindness Meditation.

The most important part of the Loving Kindness Meditation is the creation of feelings of love, empathy, and expansiveness. As you begin, think of people and situations that make you feel warm and fuzzy. Find your happy place! I think of the feeling that I get when my granddaughter gives me a sloppy baby kiss, and how I felt when my boys would put their arms up to me when they were very young. I think of how it feels to hug the people I love and hold them close.

Figure out what evokes warm feelings of love for you. Maybe it’s holding a pet or sitting at a beach with your toes in the water. It could be the feeling of sunshine on your body or the strong healthy feeling you get when running or walking. Nature brings many people the feeling of expansiveness and joy. Experiment until you find the mental picture that creates a feeling of joy for you.

Once you can do this prep for the Loving Kindness Meditation, you can create joy on demand! Woot! Whenever you are feeling low or upset, you can take a deep breath and go to your happy place and create positive emotions. That. Is. Huge!

Once you have strong positive feelings, say three or four phrases about yourself. The specific words are not important. Use ones that resonate with you, but they will be something like this:

  • May I be filled with loving kindness.
  • May I be well in body and mind.
  • May I be at ease and happy.

The most important part of the meditation is to create and hold onto a feeling of friendliness, compassion, joy, and expansiveness as you say the phrases.

Then say the same phrases while thinking of someone with whom you feel close.  Think, “May you be filled with loving kindness.” It’s important to hold onto the positive feeling while thinking the phrases each time. It’s not too hard to say the phrases with feeling when it’s toward someone that you are fond of.

Next, move on to someone who you feel neutral about, someone you don’t really care for, and finally everyone in the world. Use the same three to four phrases each time, and focus on maintaining the feeling of compassion and acceptance.

It’s hard in the beginning to hold on to feelings of warmth and joy when you think of someone with whom you are angry or upset, but you can do it! It gets easier over time. You are training your brain and taking control of your emotions. In essence, you are gaining the ability to be positive whenever you choose.

If you have a hard time getting into a place of loving kindness, it might help to create a Positivity Portfolio, which is a collection of physical or digital pictures that make you smile. For example, I can look at a picture of my granddaughter and immediately feel love, compassion, and kindness toward her. After a while, I don’t need to see the picture; I can see it in my head and create the feeling.

A collection of pictures that you can flip through when you are feeling low or angry can be a huge help in bringing up positive emotions that seem elusive. I have an album on my phone of pictures that make me smile. I look at them when I need a dose of positivity.

The next tool to create more positivity in your life is a gratitude journal. Each evening, write down three things for which you are grateful. As you write down the thing or event, recreate the feeling that it brought to you. Name the emotion if you can.

My mom kept a gratitude journal for years, and it’s a great legacy. She lived with me and my family for 10 years. My youngest son Andrew would go straight down to her room every morning when he woke up. I could hear the swish-swish of his diaper as he passed my bedroom door.

Mom read each morning, and when Andrew arrived she would read aloud to him. It took at least a year, but they read Moby Dick together! I find that amazing. I have tried to read Moby Dick several times and haven’t managed to get through it. They also read Adventures of Huckleberry Finn together. After they read a scene about Huck sneaking into a smokehouse to steal some ham, they decided to sneak upstairs and steal some ham out of the refrigerator.

Of course, it sounded like a herd of elephants shushing each other as they came up the stairs. I stayed out of their way while they “stole” some ham and giggled their way downstairs. That evening, one of Mom’s gratitude journal entries was “Stealing ham with Andrew.” I read it when I went through her gratitude journal after she died. Her journal was full of wonderful memories that helped her stay positive when she was alive and brought me joy when she was gone.

After you write three things in your gratitude journal, take a moment to remember a few of the positive interactions that you had with others during the day. It doesn’t have to be an interaction with people that you know; it could be a pleasant conversation with a cashier as you checked out at the grocery store. We want to remember any micro-moment of positive interaction. Think of a few interactions and the emotions that you experienced. It will just take a minute or two, but it will increase your positivity and capacity to connect with others in a positive way, according to research by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson.

My mom was one of the most positive people that I have ever met. She was ahead of her time with writing in her gratitude journal each evening. She also began her mornings in a positive way. She read classics with Andrew when he was little, but she also read uplifting books in the morning. She would get up early and fix some tea. Then she would read something that put her in a positive frame of mind. It could be scripture or a devotional. One of her favorite books that she read over and over was Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. She was always telling me what “Sarah Ban” said. Mom even wrote Ms. Breathnach a letter telling her how much joy the book had given her, and Ms. Breathnach replied with a letter. I have copies of both.

All of the things that we’ve talked about help us overcome our natural negativity bias and create a Positivity Spiral. We do a Loving Kindness Meditation that increases our feelings of empathy and compassion for others – which increases our positive interactions with others – which increases the number of positive things we notice and are grateful for – which makes it easier to do the Loving Kindness Meditation. Each action supports the next until we have created an upward spiral of self-generating positive emotions. Woot!

Here is a summary of things to do to create your own self-sustaining Positivity Spiral:

  1. Practice mindfulness. Start with paying attention to one deep breath when stopped at traffic lights.
  2. Do the Loving Kindness Meditation for 10 minutes at least five times a week, and you will begin to feel lighter and more resilient. Big results come after eight weeks of consistent practice.
  3. Keep a gratitude journal. Write down three things each evening for which you are grateful.
  4. Take a minute each evening to reflect on the micro-moments of positive interaction that you had with other people that day.
  5. Feed your brain and heart uplifting messages. Create a morning ritual of reading something that makes you feel positive.

My last suggestion is to do one thing you enjoy each day! Even if you only spend five to ten minutes doing it, it will be worthwhile. Read a trashy novel, knit, draw, flip through a magazine, or write – whatever makes you happy! We all deserve an intentional moment of enjoyment. It’s one more thing that makes life worth living.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model: Physical Health

16 Tuesday May 2017

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Blog 3: Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model: Physical Health

  1. Peaceful Base
  2. Physical Health
  3. Positivity Spiral
  4. Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning
  5. Positive Relationships
  6. Spiritual Connectedness
  7. Financial Stability

Our bodies are the vehicles that we use to interact with the world, and we want them to function as well as possible for as long as possible. We can’t flourish unless we are at our physical best, but that doesn’t mean that we need to be able to run a marathon or lift 100 pounds. We just want to take care of our bodies and do the best we can with the ones that we have.

Even though I have a very healthy lifestyle, this is the pillar of Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model that gives me the most trouble. People who don’t know me well don’t realize this because I look and act healthy.

Here’s what I do to maintain the health that I have. First, I eat very little sugar. Soft drinks make me feel truly ill now. Once you have broken the sugar habit, your body objects loudly when it gets a good dose. Candy bars are out of the question!

Sugar is the devil! It feeds cancer cells and messes with your mood. It is highly addictive! If you drink soft drinks and/or eat sugary things like candy bars, stop! Spend all of your willpower on stopping that habit before you move on to accomplish one other thing!

Now that doesn’t mean that you never get anything sweet. I eat organic dark chocolate every day. I don’t believe in a life of depravation. I believe in a life of moderation in all things – including moderation. I also like pie, and I keep Fudgsicles in the refrigerator, but I don’t eat both on the same day.

Actually, I eat a lot of the things that you aren’t “supposed” to eat, like butter. I drink whole milk. I believe that eating food that is closest to its natural state is best.

Here is one of Kathy’s hypotheses. I don’t have research to back it up. People comment all the time on how young I look. I’m 57 and am often taken for being a decade younger. I think one of the reasons is that I am not on a low-fat diet. Our skin and brain need fat! If you have been on a low-fat diet for a long period of time, I believe that you are starving both! In my world, it’s about moderation, not elimination.

Limiting portion size is the biggest help for me. I got the idea from John Travolta. It was years ago that I read an article about how he lost weight for a part. He said that he cut all his portions in half. If he got a cheeseburger, he cut it in half and only ate one half of it. I thought that was a brilliant idea! Once again, life is short, and I’m not into deprivation. Eating less of things that I love doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. I feel better after a meal if I haven’t had too much.

I know that talking about diet sodas with people usually has the same effect as if I walked up to a wall and banged my head on it, so I will be brief. At least don’t give aspartame to growing children. Please! It is a horrible chemical that no one should put in their body.

As a general rule, real food is better than processed food. If the concept is new to you, a good book to read is Food Rules: An Eater’s Guide by Michael Pollan. It talks about how to shop in a grocery store and what to look for.

Let’s talk about exercise. I believe that we all do ourselves and each other a disservice when we think that exercise must be hard. It doesn’t! A 30-minute walk at a reasonable pace has lots of physical and psychological benefits. One study I read determined that walking is more effective at alleviating depression than drugs. What is important is that we move!

I’m limited in what I can do. If I break a sweat while exercising, I’m down on the sofa for a few days with nausea and fatigue. However, if I never exercise, I can’t do everyday things like carry groceries. For me, it’s a balancing act. I do short bits of exercise throughout the day when I am home and try to walk as far as I can most days.

I had brain surgery in 2009, and I’ve never totally recovered. I am grateful to be alive, but having physical limitations is frustrating! I find it especially difficult to watch friends ski and hike on Facebook. If you have physical limitations for any reason, you are not alone! There are a lot of us, but we don’t speak out that often.

No one wants to dwell or complain, so we sort of suffer through silently while the runners around us extol the benefits of 10-mile runs. Don’t let it bother you! In life, what’s important is that we do the best we can with what we have. If you can only walk to the mailbox, walk to the mailbox. We need to push our own individual limits so that we maintain our own best levels of fitness. We get to decide what that is!

I have a 15-pound weight on my bathroom counter. Every time I go to the bathroom, I do some repetitions with it. I do this because I want to be able to lift my granddaughter, who is about seven months old. I lift three-pound weights up over my head so that I can put my carryon bag in the overhead bin. For me, it’s about maintaining my ability to do everyday things.

No matter where you are, it’s ok. If you are running marathons, good for you! I’m impressed and inspired by you. If you are walking to the mailbox, and that is your best, I’m impressed and inspired by you, too.

The last thing I focus on is stretching and easy abdominal exercises. I feel so good after some gentle stretching! It improves my mood and makes my back feel great. I love being able to turn my head and not have my neck feel tight. Gentle abdominal exercises keep my back from going out.

One summer when I was in high school, my mom and I went through Richard Hittleman’s Yoga: 28 Day Exercise Plan. It’s still available. The pictures and perspective are very outdated, but the exercises and concepts are timeless. I pull out my tattered copy and go through it now and then. My mom passed away a long time ago, but I feel she’s with me when I’m doing the exercises.

It helps to feel that someone is with you. I am with you! When you resist sugar, I am cheering you on! When you are walking, I am walking with you. If you don’t want me, talk to someone else – real or imagined. Life is a journey better taken with others.

Of course, I’ve only talked about a few things out of thousands that you can do for your health. I’m writing from my experience and the things that help me the most. You are different and unique! You get to focus on the things that help you. You may already eat healthy and exercise. What’s important is to maintain and support the one body that you have so that you can move about in this world with as much ease as possible.

Each pillar of Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model supports the other. Some of the techniques that we will talk about to develop a positivity spiral have an enormous positive impact on our health.

Physical health isn’t something we achieve and then forget. It requires a healthy lifestyle and daily movement. My email is below; let me know how you are doing! If you want to share on social media, let’s use #healthiestme. If you have a favorite tip or technique to stay healthy, share it with us in comments. We can do this!

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com

Peaceful Base

09 Tuesday May 2017

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peaceful base

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model

  1. Peaceful Base
  2. Physical Health
  3. Positivity Spiral
  4. Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning
  5. Positive Relationships
  6. Spiritual Connectedness
  7. Financial Stability

Peaceful Base

It’s not exciting or glamorous, but an organized life is the foundation for a flourishing life. If your house and/or office are a mess, this is the place to start. I’ve seen over and over again that clearing clutter and simplifying life is the springboard to all sorts of success and possibility. It’s the first thing that Cheryl Richardson, well-known life coach, has her clients do.

I began my decluttering journey more than a decade ago with FlyLady. You can find her online at FlyLady.net; however, I feel that she has gotten way too complicated and hard to figure out. The best thing that she has to offer right now is a book called CHOAS to Clean in 31 Easy BabySteps. It is a good start if you are completely overwhelmed by clutter and mess.

The main thing that I got from FlyLady is that you can do anything for 15 minutes. I recently ordered her timer again for my son who had asked for it. He is 28 years old and grew up using a timer for chores. She also advocates for a morning and evening routine with 15-minute cleaning and decluttering sessions. I’m a believer in morning and evening routines!

Several of the books and tools that I used in the beginning are no longer available! I spent a frustrating afternoon looking for things that don’t exist. So, I began to look at what was out there. The person I like best is Clean Mama. She has a simple system, and her website is easy to figure out. She also has lots of free printables. It’s a good place to start if you are looking for a system to keep your house clean and straight. Here is a link to her weekly cleaning routine: https://www.cleanmama.net/weekly-cleaning-routine

Marie Kondō’s book the life-changing magic of tidying up has gotten a lot of press. Her system will help you reduce the amount of stuff that you have, but it won’t help you stay organized. I don’t care for her system because it requires you to make a big mess in the beginning that looks overwhelming. If that appeals to you, go for it! If it doesn’t, there are other ways to simplify.

I read about the Mount Vernon method in The New Messies Manual ages ago. I love it! At George Washington’s estate, the cleaners start at a doorway and then methodically work their way around the periphery of the room. When that room is done, they move on to the next one.

I use the Mount Vernon method a lot in the kitchen. The refrigerator is to the left of the door from the living room to the kitchen. I start by wiping it down. Then I move to the small counter with the microwave. I take the room in three-foot increments. I stand at a section and look at everything from floor to ceiling and determine what needs to be put away and what needs to be wiped off. When that section looks great, I move on.

One of the things I like best about the Mount Vernon method is that if I get called away or run out of time, what I’ve done looks good, and there aren’t any piles waiting to be dealt with. I put everything away in a section before I move on to the next one.

The Mount Vernon method works in every room! If I don’t finish a room, I just pick up where I left off last. I do leave the floors for last or do them on vacuuming day.

Another hugely helpful concept that I’ve read in several books is to ask three questions each time you pick something up to put it away. First, “is it useful?” That is to say, does it have a purpose, and do you use it for that purpose regularly? The second question is “do you love it?” If the answer to both is no, then get rid of it!

I keep a basket by the door of giveaway items. When it’s full, I take everything to a charitable organization. I go every few weeks to drop things off. I also get rid of something when a new thing comes in the house. For example, if I buy a new pair of shoes, I look to see if there is a pair I can get rid of. I do the same thing with clothes.

If a thing is useful and/or you love it, it must have a home! This is critical! Don’t put it down in a pile and think you will find a place for it later. If it’s worth keeping, it needs a set place to live. Figure it out, and put it there every time. Life is so much better when everything has a place!

Most organization books suggest cleaning the kitchen and straightening the living room in the evening before we go to bed. It is lovely to wake up to a clutter-free house; it makes the mornings go smoothly. However, I find it a challenge to accomplish tasks at night when I’m tired, so I use a mental trick. (Fortunately, I’m a sucker for my own tricks.)

My goal is to set Future Kathy up for success. I want to get the kitchen counters clear so Future Kathy will have an easy time in the morning. Sometimes I set the timer on the coffee pot so that Future Kathy will wake up to the smell of brewing coffee. The key is that I like Future Kathy, and I want to help her.

In the morning, I am Future Kathy, and I am profoundly grateful for the work that Past Kathy did to make my morning an enjoyable success. Over the years, Past Kathy and Future Kathy have become an unbeatable team!

You got a head start on the last step of creating a Peaceful Base if you got rid of some energy drains last month when we talked about making ourselves more resilient. Energy drains also keep us from flourishing! Here is a link to the blog on emotional drains and Emotional Pennies: https://kathystoddardtorrey.wordpress.com/2017/04/11/making-yourself-resilient-before-it-rains/ Keep in mind that we want to minimize our expenditure of Emotional Pennies by getting rid of as many people, things, and situations as possible that drain our emotional energy.

Actions for creating a Peaceful Base:

  1. Declutter your house and office.
  2. Set up routines to help you keep things clean and straight. The goal is to help your Future Self be successful and happy!
  3. Eliminate emotional drains.

Grab your to-do list and the habit tracker that we talked about last week; then, write down the actions that will help you create a peaceful base. Start slowly! It’s important to add new behaviors gradually so you don’t get overwhelmed. FlyLady starts with shining your sink every night. If that’s all that you get done for a week, that’s fine. Your Future Self appreciates any and all help that she gets.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model

02 Tuesday May 2017

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May and June series: Flourish and Bloom

Fewer than 20% of Americans are satisfied with life and functioning well. I must admit that I struggle to consistently be a part of that 20%. A feeling of satisfaction and well-being became more difficult to maintain once my children went off to college. When they were at home, I was busy and had a clear purpose. I did work, but it didn’t fill the gap that existed when they left.

At least 80% of you out there are struggling with me. Let’s struggle no more! The good news is that there are proven steps we can take to increase feelings of happiness and well-being. The other news is that like all worthwhile achievements, it’s going to take some work and commitment. However, I’m sure we are up to the task. Let’s begin to bloom and flourish along with the flowers in May and June.

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model

The picture above is of the books that I own on creating happiness and well-being. Some I’ve read cover-to-cover. Others I’ve skimmed or read in pieces and parts. From all the reading that I’ve done, I created my own model. Here it is:

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model

  1. Peaceful Base. It’s not glamorous or fun, but having a peaceful base from which to launch is a key piece of a flourishing life. A clean and clutter-free environment with routines in place to keep it that way are essential. So is eliminating all unnecessary energy drains.
  2. Physical health. Our bodies are the vehicles that we use to interact with the world, and we want them to function as well as possible for as long as possible. We can’t flourish unless we are at our physical best, but that doesn’t mean that we need to be able to run a marathon or lift 100 pounds. We will talk about creating our own individual standards and expectations for physical fitness.
  3. Positivity spiral. Creating a positivity spiral will help every aspect of your life. Positivity makes everything else easier and even supports our health. The positivity spiral is the thing that will carry us up to higher levels of happiness and well-being.
  4. Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning. This is a long title for knowing your strengths and using them to accomplish things that have true meaning for you.
  5. Positive Relationships. We humans are social creatures, and we function better if we are engaged in positive relationships and have a supportive community.
  6. Spiritual Connectedness. Feeling a connection to a higher being and purpose is another human need. It looks different for different people. You get to decide on the rituals and beliefs that comfort and uplift you.
  7. Financial stability. Oh, money! I am not a financial expert and won’t have a lot to offer as far as how to achieve financial stability. However, I know that it’s a big piece of happiness and fulfillment. Not that money brings happiness, but a lack of money for basic necessities makes it hard to focus on anything else.

sample habit trackerI will discuss each pillar of Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish model in more depth over the next couple of months. I like to talk about the model, but I like action better! To truly create change, we want to create new behaviors. A great tool for that is a habit tracker. You can see from the picture that it’s just one sheet of paper for a month of habit tracking.

I was going to put a free habit tracker on my website, but the one I made is rather plain. You can search online for “printable habit tracker” and get a wide variety of beautiful habit trackers. I have added a page in my bullet journal for tracking habits each month.

We will list the new behaviors down the left side that we want to incorporate into our lives. Then we will check off or fill in the box each day that we perform the behavior. I’m a sticker fan! You can use those tiny stickers or make your own habit tracker that will accommodate bigger stickers. The habit tracker is a tool to help us create new habits that will move us toward a life of happiness and well-being.

I am excited to begin this journey, and I’m glad that you are here to do it with me. I know that anything worthwhile takes effort and self-discipline. I also know that the payoff for doing the work to create an increased sense of happiness, well-being, and satisfaction is going to make the effort totally worthwhile.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.