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Kathy Stoddard Torrey

~ Leadership Coach and Trainer

Kathy Stoddard Torrey

Tag Archives: #faith

Resilience: Why Not Stay Inside and Wait Out the Storm?

28 Tuesday Apr 2020

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Resilience, Uncategorized

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#faith, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays, #resilience, #stress

flower bud in the rain

We can’t completely avoid the change or adversity that storms into our lives, but there is a temptation to ignore the emotions that come along with it. Feeling disappointment, sadness, and loss is awful! Why would we want to do that?

While painful in the beginning, dealing with our emotions helps us in the long run. We maintain a healthy emotional life by naming our emotions, accepting them, and then releasing them. If we stuff emotions or ignore them, they become like small, annoying insects that keep buzzing in our ears for the rest of our lives.

One of the most profound things I learned in my coach training is this: the things that we can’t be with run our lives. If we can’t be with anger, then we avoid all situations that might make us or someone else angry. Think about the effects if we avoid disappointing people at all costs! If we can’t be with confrontation, we are constantly putting up with things that we don’t want to endure because we don’t want to start a fight. We want to use our coping mechanisms and face the situation and our emotions. We must walk through it now or avoid it forever.

Although our initial impulse may be to avoid uncomfortable emotions, they are not all bad. Discomfort is a powerful motivator and can lead to positive achievement if we maintain a positive mental state. Remember, how we view the situation makes all the difference.

There is an interesting TED Talk by Kelly McGonigal. She researches stress, and she discovered that stress doesn’t kill us – the belief that stress kills us is what kills us. Our perspectives have a tremendous effect on our bodies! That is important to keep in mind before, during, and after challenging times. Here is the link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU&t=34s

In the video, McGonigal also talks about the hormones that our bodies release when we are feeling stressed. One of them is oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone” because it also releases when we touch other people. Oxytocin makes us want to interact and bond with others. So, when we are stressed, our bodies are helping us by encouraging us to reach out to other people.

Remember my learning at the Military Child Education Coalition workshop. That which does not kill us makes us stronger – as long as we have hope and support. We get both of those things when we reach out to others.

Finally, keep in mind that each time we overcome a challenge, we become more resilient. As we face adversity, change, and the emotions that come along with them, we build confidence. When the next challenge comes along, we can think to ourselves, “I’ve done this (or worse) before, and I can do it again.”

Creating a resilient life and using positive coping mechanisms greatly increase your chance of not only surviving adversity and change, but also thriving. Every storm that we weather makes us more confident that we can successfully face the next one. We create a spiral of success that carries us more easily through life’s storms.

Note: I’m re-running this series on resilience that I wrote back in 2017.


For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

 

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model: Spiritual Connectedness

13 Tuesday Jun 2017

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Bloom and Flourish, Leadership, Uncategorized

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Tags

#BloomandFlourish, #faith, #SpiritualConnectedness

Spiritual Connectedness 550 px

 

Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model

  1. Peaceful Base
  2. Physical Health
  3. Positivity Spiral
  4. Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning
  5. Positive Relationships
  6. Spiritual Connectedness
  7. Financial Stability

The pillar of Spiritual Connectedness could be considered controversial if we try to define the best way to achieve it. Spiritual Connectedness is a very personal creation. I’ve got a diverse group of friends, and I see them experience spiritual connectedness in many different ways. For the purposes of the the Bloom and Flourish Model, there is no one correct way to achieve Spiritual Connectedness.

Spiritual Connectedness is the feeling of being in communication with and supported by a higher power. Here is a definition of spirituality that I like from an article on the University of Maryland Medical Center’s web page (http://www.umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/treatment/spirituality):

Spirituality has been defined in numerous ways, including a belief in a power operating in the universe that is greater than oneself, a sense of interconnectedness with all living creatures, and an awareness of the purpose and meaning of life and the development of persona, values. It’s the way you find meaning, hope, comfort, and inner peace in your life. Although spirituality is often associated with religion, personal spirituality can also be developed through music, art, or a connection with nature. People also find spirituality through acts of compassion and selflessness, altruism, and the experience of inner peace.

The article also gives a lot of good information on the health benefits of Spiritual Connectedness.

Although Spiritual Connectedness can be experienced in many ways, it must have one component to support blooming and flourishing. The people who I know and the ones whom I have coached who flourish all have one thing in common, their spirituality includes a feeling of expansiveness and love for their fellow human beings. They have an attitude of acceptance and inclusion that is present in all areas of their lives.

There is also a comfort in talking to a higher power. I decided a long time ago that God must be like a parent in that He loves and cares for us, but cannot keep us from every harm. That perspective makes sense to me. Remember, your view may be different, and that is perfectly fine. I don’t expect you to drop your spiritual beliefs in favor of mine. What’s important is that each of us experiences love and support from a higher power.

A strong sense of Spiritual Connectedness also supports several of the other pillars of Kathy’s Bloom and Flourish Model. A strong spiritual community provides us with the positive relationships and community required in the Positive Relationships pillar. Spiritual Connectedness can also provide purpose and meaning to our lives, which supports the Flow/Accomplishment/Meaning pillar. The article quoted above cites many health benefits of a strong sense of spirituality, which supports the Physical Health pillar.

For me to bloom and flourish, my Spiritual Connectedness includes a belief that there is grand plan for me and the world. So many things in the world don’t make sense. Having faith that there is a purpose for the experiences that we all have, even if I don’t see the reason or understand it, comforts me.

Finally, death is not something I fear because I believe there is an afterlife – that we continue to exist without our bodies. I know a couple of people who truly fear death, and they spend a lot of emotional energy and time trying to stay healthy in unhealthy ways. Every small symptom is a crisis and a threat. It’s another exhausting way to live that prevents embracing life and flourishing.

Spiritual Connectedness is finding your own peace around the existence of a higher power. I like the way that the University of Michigan Medical Center article sums up Spiritual Connectedness: “It’s the way you find meaning, hope, comfort, and inner peace in your life.” What’s most important is finding your own way.


For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

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