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Kathy Stoddard Torrey

~ Leadership Coach and Trainer

Kathy Stoddard Torrey

Tag Archives: #perspective

Lesson 9: Finding the Flourish Space

27 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Leadership, Lessons From The Lawn

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#goals, #KathySays #leadership #LessonsFromTheLawn #distractions #goals #achievement, #LeadershipRules, #perspective, LessonsFromTheLawn

front-yard-pic

Lessons for Life and Leadership from the Lawn

I wanted to name this series “Lessons from the Garden” because it sounds nice and gardens are beautiful. However, I kill plants inside and out on a regular basis so that seemed misleading. In truth, I spent much of the summer of 2016 weeding my front yard. It wasn’t glamorous and didn’t result in anything with splendid color. I toyed with the idea of “Lessons from the Yard,” but I thought that title made it sound like I was in prison. I decided on “lawn,” and whatever you call it, I learned a lot sitting in the grass for a summer.

Lesson 9: Finding the Flourish Space

In my front lawn, there are different environmental conditions for plants. Parts of the lawn get full sun most of the day, while other parts are very shady. Some sections get part sun and part shade. The big trees suck up the moisture and challenge all the plants under them.

Different grasses grow best in certain types of environments. I have one type of grass that flourishes in full sun, but doesn’t do well in shade. Another type of grass does well in shade, but burns to a crisp in full sun. Under the trees, I planted an ornamental grass that can grow in shade and hold its own in the fight with the tree for moisture.

If I tried to use one type of grass for every part of the lawn, I would have large bare spots. No one grass flourishes in all areas and conditions. I have to pay attention to what flourishes where. When I plant grass in an area that has both sun and shade, I mix the seeds of two types of grass. Then, I wait to see which one will end up doing best in that area.

People are like grass in that we don’t flourish under all conditions. We can function and even create success under most conditions, but to truly flourish, we need to find our unique nourishing environment. When we identify our best conditions, things are easier. There is a sense of flow and ease.

We can’t define our flourishing space until we do some self-examination. Here are some questions to help you determine your best environment:

 Do you prefer working with people or working alone?

Do you like getting lots of attention or do you prefer to work outside the limelight?

Does a frantic pace rev your engines or do you prefer a slower pace?

Do you like lots of interaction with others?

Does working as part of a team appeal to you?

Do you like working in a noisy place or a quiet one?

Do you enjoy being creative?

Is collaborating important to you or would you rather do it your own way?

Do you like recognition?

Do you enjoy public speaking?

Is the purpose of your work important?

Is making money a top priority?

Do you like challenges?

Is possible promotion important?

Do you want to be surrounded by people who are similar to you or do you enjoy people with diverse views?

There aren’t right or wrong answers to these questions. Just like grass, people grow and perform best in environments suited to them. We can struggle along and do a good job most anywhere, but to truly enjoy work and reach our full potential, we need our flourishing space.

Another way to define our best environment is to think back to times when we felt like we were in our groove and things were easy. What was the environment like in those times? We can learn a lot by examining our past.

People often say that they don’t know what they like. That’s common. How can you know if you like something if you haven’t experienced it? The solution is to get out there and try! Once you take a job or create a certain environment, pay attention to what you like and don’t like about it. Make a list! You might decide that you want to work from home at least two days a week. Maybe you like doing data analysis, but you hate answering phones. Perhaps you like being in charge and want to start your own business! It’s like planting two types of grass and seeing which one does best.

As you move through your life and career, look for environments that give you more of what you like and less of what you don’t like. Each job, whether volunteer or for pay, should be closer to your ideal than the last one. You get to craft your flourishing space over time. It only requires you to pay attention and choose intentionally.


For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Fresh Eyes = New World

05 Monday Jan 2015

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Positivity

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Tags

#gratitude, #gratitudejournal, #perspective, #RenewedYou, #successjournal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwaXOh_mCVA

We humans have a tendency to notice the negative things around us more than we notice the positive. “Noticing more” means seeing most of the negative, not registering most of the positive, and giving more emotional emphasis to the negative events around us than we do the positive. Wow! No wonder many of us feel like we lead a hard-luck life. We are looking for and dwelling on the bad stuff! However, we aren’t doomed to humanity’s natural tendency to gloom.

We can change how we view the world with one simple exercise. Keep track of the positive. Specifically, I keep a Success/Gratitude Journal. My Mom was one of the first people I knew to write in a gratitude journal. She kept one for several years before she died. She lived with us for the last 10 years of her life so her entries included things about our family. She would refer to a conversation with my sister as “Hearing sweet Stacey’s voice.” She snuggled in bed with my youngest son and read Moby Dick aloud to him before the rest of us were up and moving. She played action figures with my oldest son. I know these things because she wrote about them in her gratitude journal. It is sweet and moving to read the things that touched her heart each day.

Everything about gratitude is good for you. Physiologically it slows your heart and calms you down. Thinking of things for which you are grateful when you are lying in bed can help you fall asleep and sleep better. Feelings of gratitude can improve your health. If you are feeling profound gratitude, you can’t feel worry or fear. Feeling more gratitude can only improve your life!

This year, in addition to writing three to five things for which I am grateful, I’m writing three to five successes I’ve had that day. It’s working out great for me because I like to document what I accomplish. It’s sort of a Dear Diary response of about middle school age: “Dear Diary, Today I…” You get the idea. I allow myself to fill that need and then I pause, leaving the “doing” place and dropping into the “feeling” place. I’m still a work-in-progress on defining and embracing my emotions so it’s a good exercise for me. It gets me to really sink into a feeling of gratitude for small things like the soothing smell of coffee that I didn’t notice when I was counting successes.

Here’s the big news, in order to write your successes and gratitudes, you have to notice them! You start looking for things that go right and things that give you that warm fuzzy feeling in your heart as you go through your day. Then you write them down which helps cement them in your memory. Instead of noticing and dwelling on the negative, you are noticing and dwelling on the positive – and the world is suddenly a better place!

Isn’t that neat? You create a new and positive world for yourself merely by looking out at it with fresh eyes.


Here’s a video of me talking about my Success/Gratitude Journal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwaXOh_mCVA

Here’s a good NY Times article about noticing negativity that cites several sources: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/24/your-money/why-people-remember-negative-events-more-than-positive-ones.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Here’s a good Time article on the benefits of feeling grateful: http://healthland.time.com/2012/11/22/why-gratitude-isnt-just-for-thanksgiving/

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