Tag Archives: #perspective

How are you looking through your spyglass?

23 Tuesday Jul 2019

Posted by in Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

spyglass cropped 650px

We all look at life through our own spyglass. It’s important to use our spyglass to help us keep a broad perspective on the events going on in our lives. If we maintain a big-picture view, small disappointments and challenges don’t seem that intimidating in the grand scheme of things.

However, sometimes when things are scary or overwhelming, we tend to flip the spyglass around and look into the big end. Try it with a real spyglass sometime! You will see only a small circle of whatever you are looking at in that moment. It looks as though that one small piece of the world is actually the entire world.

Let’s say that I didn’t get a job or promotion that I wanted. As a result, I focus completely on that one small piece of life. I’m looking into the big end of the spyglass, and I’m only seeing that “failure.” If I flip my spyglass around and look at the broader view of my life, I can see that not getting the job or promotion is just one small piece of my current situation. I’m free now to take on a better job that could be right around the corner. I have the opportunity to evaluate why I wasn’t the best fit for the job, and I can set new goals. I can also see all the times that I’ve been a success in my life! This disappointment isn’t a pattern; it’s just a learning experience.

We see more possibilities and put things in a better perspective when we look into the small end of our spyglass and see the widest view of the circumstances around us. Great leaders are adept at catching themselves when they are only seeing a small piece of a situation and then broadening their perspective to see the big picture.

When a proposal that I submit is not accepted, I sometimes sit around for an evening focusing on the “failure.” I generally spend a lot of time and energy creating a detailed proposal for an organization. After a reasonable bit of moping, I turn my spyglass around and look at all the great things going on in my life. I have steady work! I have friends! I have family! I have a roof over my head and a car that I adore! I am leading a blessed life. One “failure” does not define me; it’s merely a blip that proves I am getting out there and putting myself on the line for new consulting gigs. When I adopt a big-picture view, it’s easier to gain a balanced perspective.

If things feel hopeless and you don’t see many options, chances are that you are only seeing a fraction of what is going on in your life. Flip that spyglass around! Although a current circumstance can feel huge and overwhelming, it isn’t a complete picture of your life or who you are.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

If you can’t get out of it, get into it!

26 Tuesday Jun 2018

Posted by in #perspective, Emotional Intelligence, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

Get into it lion cropped 600 px

The title of this blog has been my battle cry for more than a decade. It comes from the book Whistle While You Work: Heeding Your Life’s Calling by Richard Leider and David Shapiro.

In the introduction, Leider tells the story of an Outward Bound trip to Africa. One day, they planned to hike across the Salei Plains and meet their truck on the other side that evening.

They walked through tall grass called lion grass because lions like to stalk prey in it. Suddenly, one of the group members dropped to the ground. He’d seen a lion and was freaked out. The dangers of their current position hit him, and he refused to go on.

The guide told him that he must go on. There is nowhere to go back to. The truck was ahead of them. Reason did not work, and the man still refused to go on.

The guide leaned down and said, “We have a motto at Outward Bound precisely for this sort of situation: ‘If you can’t get out of it, get into it!’”

Honestly, how many times do we find ourselves in situations that we don’t want to be in? My answer is “Plenty!” Some situations I have gotten myself into: I’ve taken on a volunteer job that I don’t like or have agreed to do a project that turns into a monster. Other situations have been thrust upon me by circumstances beyond my control. Either way, there hasn’t been an immediate way out.

For example, let’s say that my organization changes a process and I do not like the new way. I can’t change it; it’s a done deal. I could quit, but I like the rest of my job. I could grouse and cultivate a negative attitude, which doesn’t do anything for my mental and physical health. It also doesn’t do anyone else any good.

If we can’t get out of it, why not get into it? I am going to do the action anyway, so why not give it my all with a positive attitude? It uses way fewer of my emotional pennies and the emotional pennies of those around me.

In truth, every experience in life enriches us and teaches us something about ourselves. It’s better to go all in. We want to stop resisting and give it our best shot. When we can, we want to get out of the situation, but until then, our best choice is to truly get into it. We can also be grateful that most of our challenging situations don’t involve being stalked by a lion!

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Let’s Talk: Choosing Your Mindset

22 Tuesday Aug 2017

Posted by in #Communication, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

romantic mindset 550 px

One of the biggest influences on the success of a conversation is the mindset that you bring into it. People can immediately tell what attitude that we bring into the room with us. In systems coaching, we call it creating the Emotional Field. When you are talking to someone, there is always an atmosphere or container that surrounds the conversation. Our greatest success will come with intentionally creating an Emotional Field that supports the topic and people involved.

The Emotional Field is created by the feelings and intentions that you bring into the conversation. For example, when I am facilitating a workshop in-person, I intentionally bring in some fun and curiosity. Light-hearted learning is easier and more enjoyable. Also, I want to make sure that I am willing to learn from the participants. If I’m not willing to learn from them, then they will likely not be willing to learn from me.

I also intentionally bring in the intention to be flexible and spontaneous.  If the group begins to talk about something a bit off-topic that interests them, then I will follow that discussion. I’m willing to follow the group’s lead for a while.

A different facilitator might come in with seriousness and an intention to cover the material strictly as outlined. Participants’ experiences with that facilitator are going to be completely different than their experiences with me — even if we both use the exact same outline. We influence the experience and the outcome with the Emotional Field that we create.

I really can’t overstate the power of intentionally creating an atmosphere for a conversation. Let’s say that I’m going into a coaching situation in a workplace. I know that the person I’m going to talk with really does not receive feedback well. I am going to take their resistance to feedback into account and make sure that I bring some patience and understanding into the discussion. I want to create an Emotional Field that will help the employee hear the feedback and not feel threatened. If I come in with an adversarial attitude or a “let’s get this over with” mentality, I am not supporting a positive outcome for that conversation.

In most conversations, it’s useful to be willing to hear and consider different views and perspectives — bringing open-mindedness into the Emotional Field. Being defensive or combative rarely leads to a positive outcome. It’s important to remember that listening for understanding does not require us to then agree.

Likewise, different situations generally call for different mindsets. If you want romance, go with soft music, lighting, and tone of voice. If you want to party, play loud music and have high energy. Your chance of getting the outcome that you want is greatly increased if you bring in the appropriate qualities that fit the message and the outcome that you’re trying to get.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

 

Resilience: Why Not Stay Inside and Wait Out the Storm?

25 Tuesday Apr 2017

Posted by in Leadership, Resilience, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

flower bud in the rain

April Series: Resilience

Why Not Stay Inside and Wait Out the Storm?

We can’t completely avoid the change or adversity that storms into our lives, but there is a temptation to ignore the emotions that come along with it. Feeling disappointment, sadness, and loss is awful! Why would we want to do that?

While painful in the beginning, dealing with our emotions helps us in the long run. We maintain a healthy emotional life by naming our emotions, accepting them, and then releasing them. If we stuff or ignore our emotions, they become like small annoying insects that keep buzzing in our ears for the rest of our lives.

One of the most profound things I learned in my coach training is that the things that we can’t be with run our lives. If we can’t be with anger, then we avoid all situations that might make us or someone else angry. Think about the effects if we avoid disappointing people at all costs! If we can’t be with confrontation, we constantly put up with things that we don’t want to endure because we don’t want to start a fight. We want to use our coping mechanisms and face the situation and our emotions. We must walk through it now or avoid it forever.

Although our initial impulse may be to avoid uncomfortable emotions, they are not all bad. Discomfort is a powerful motivator and can lead to positive achievement if we maintain a positive mental state. Remember, how we view the situation makes all the difference.

There is an interesting TED Talk by Kelly McGonigal. She researches stress, and she discovered that stress doesn’t kill us – the belief that stress kills us is what kills us. Our perspectives have a tremendous effect on our bodies! That is important to keep in mind before, during, and after challenging times. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU&t=34s

In the video, McGonigal also talks about the hormones that our bodies release when we feel stressed. One of them is oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone” because it also releases when we touch other people. Oxytocin makes us want to interact and bond with others. So, when we are stressed, our bodies help us by encouraging us to reach out to other people.

Remember my learning at the Military Child Education Coalition workshop: that which does not kill us makes us stronger – as long as we have hope and support. We get both of those things when we reach out to others.

Finally, keep in mind that each time we overcome a challenge, we become more resilient. As we face adversity, change, and the emotions that come along with them, we build confidence. When the next challenge comes along, we can think to ourselves, “I’ve done this (or worse) before, and I can do it again.”

Creating a resilient life and using positive coping mechanisms greatly increase your chance of not only surviving adversity and change, but also thriving. Every storm that we weather makes us more confident that we can successfully face the next one. We create a spiral of success that carries us easily through life’s storms. If we stay inside, we miss the rain – and an opportunity for growth.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Challenges of Knowing Yourself

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by in Uncategorized, Uncovering Your Authentic Self

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

know-yourself

March Series: Uncovering Your Authentic Self

March is my birth month, so we are going to talk about me – and you! Let’s take this month to explore who we are, why we are that way, and who we want to be. It’s going to be fun! What could be more interesting than learning more about ourselves?

Challenges of Knowing Yourself

I had a tough time during 2001 and 2002. My mom died in January of 2001, and my husband deployed a few months after her death. My mom had lived with us for 10 years. It was the first time in a decade that my sons and I would be alone. They were 10 and 12 years old.

At that time, I led our Family Readiness Group. It was my job to keep more than 300 families informed about what was going on, offer help and guidance, and step in whenever there was an emergency.

I gave it my best shot, but didn’t handle anything as gracefully or thoroughly as I could have. The following 18 months was an enormous struggle, and at the end of it, I was burnt out completely. I heard my children saying negative, sarcastic things, and I realized that they were echoing me. I knew I needed to change, but I had no idea how.

When my husband came back, we moved to Carlisle, PA. I was still struggling. I’d gained at least 15 pounds, and I wasn’t happy. I thought that I was hiding my sadness and frustration, but one day my husband sat down next to me and said, “You are so unhappy. Do whatever you need to do to find happiness.” I was startled.

I thought about his comments for a while, and realized that the problem was that I didn’t know what would make me happy. I decided to find out.

who-am-i

The first thing I did was to check in with myself about every activity I did. I would ask myself, “Do I like doing this?” I was surprised to learn that I did not enjoy military spouse activities. I had in the past, so this was a change that I hadn’t noticed. I also had felt that my attendance was at least expected, if not required. Times were different then. However, my husband had said “Do whatever you need to do.” So, I drastically cut back on attending military spouse events. It felt so freeing!

It wasn’t hard to figure out what I didn’t like to do. I uncovered those all the time. What I had trouble finding was things that I enjoyed. I discovered that I wasn’t doing anything that I truly liked! I began experimenting with new behaviors, and I went back to some old favorites.

I’d always enjoyed walking. So, I started walking more. I also knew that I loved to learn. I joined a group called Facilitating Leadership and Group Skills at the Army War College. The subject matter was all about personal development, and it fascinated me. During this time, I discovered that I loved being up in front of a group leading discussions and teaching new concepts. Thi is where I got my start in leadership training and facilitation.

I began to discover then and continue to believe now that we humans like a challenge. We thrive on personal development. We are happier when we are learning things about ourselves and the world.

I recently read an interesting quote in a Harvard Business Review article entitled Shakespeare’s Characters Show Us How Personal Growth Should Happen. The author, Declan Fitzsimons, states that Shakespeare’s plays are riveting because he doesn’t just let us get to know a static character. The characters go through tremendous change and personal development, and we get to watch.

Fitzsimons writes, “Shakespeare teaches us moderns that in the face of an uncertain world, self-awareness – that much-vaunted leadership quality – is only worthy of the name when it is revelatory. And it can only be revelatory when we are willing to concede that we know ourselves only partially.”

We do, in fact, only know ourselves partially. I am not the only person who is unaware of my preferences, weaknesses, and strengths. Here is a Johari Window which is a model that can be used to help us better understand our relationship with others and ourselves.johari-window-2

Any information that I share with someone else is in the Open area. Once I let you know that I wear a size 8 shoe, it’s in the Open region. Hidden items are things that I know, but no one else knows. We all have lots of those! We should have lots of them. We don’t share everything. Unknown items are things that I don’t know about myself and no one else knows either. For example, maybe I could be a great computer programmer and neither one of us knows it.

The one that’s interesting is the Blind region. Those are things that other people know about us that we don’t know about ourselves. Perhaps everyone else can see that I am inspirational, but I don’t realize it. Maybe I have a distracting habit of messing with my hair that drives everyone crazy, and I don’t even realize that I do it.

It’s important for all of us to know that we have items in the Blind region of a Johari Window. Some of them are good qualities, and some are not. Discovering those things about ourselves is revelatory! The new information can transform us. Like Shakespeare’s characters, we don’t remain static; we develop and grow. We are interesting!

Learning about ourselves is a challenge that can be exciting and gratifying. When I began my journey of self-discovery, I felt lost. I didn’t know what I liked, what my strengths were, what I liked to do, or what I wanted to accomplish.

This month, I am going to get reacquainted with myself. I hope that you will join me, and we can move a few things from the Blind region to the Open one on the Johari Window.  We want to continue to grow, change, and learn because it is a life-long process that keeps us interested and interesting.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Dealing With Gremlins

17 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Fresh Start, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

gremlin-cropped

January Series: Fresh Start

Dealing With Gremlins

We all have a voice or two in our head that tell us not to do things. Those voices are our Gremlins. They say things like  “don’t try for that job! You will be so disappointed if you don’t get it” and “if you play charades, you might look foolish, and people will laugh at you.”

Our Gremlins’ job is to keep us safe, and they take it very seriously. They want us to live a life as free from pain and disappointment as possible. If we follow our Gremlins’ advice, we live a small life with few risks. We don’t take chances on life, career, or love. The less we expect or want, the less disappointment we experience.

Our Gremlins often pop up when we are setting goals. If we set an audacious, exciting goal, our Gremlins might say, “You can’t reach that goal. You will be disappointed. You should make a smaller goal.”  Remember, our Gremlins’ priority is safety, and they don’t care if their advice leads to a stagnant, boring life.

Besides, living a disappointment-free life is impossible. Things don’t always go according to plan. Even if we try our best to avoid embarrassment, we are going to goof up in public now and then. Embarrassment, disappointment, and failure are important parts of life! We learn and grow from adversity. Each unpleasant event that we overcome helps us to face the next challenge better. We need to explain this to our Gremlins.

When making goals, take your Gremlin by the hand, and lead it into another room. Say, “Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I appreciate that. However, I’ve got this.” Then leave the Gremlin alone in the room and go write some goals.

We want our goals to be attainable, but we also want them to be a bit of stretch. A great goal feels a little bit scary but exciting. A good goal will definitely make your Gremlin nervous, but you can do it!

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.


 

Creating Goals

03 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Fresh Start, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

2017-start

January Series: Fresh Start

I love January! A new year always feels like a new beginning to me. We get to decide who we want to be and what we want to focus on this year. We also have the opportunity to leave behind traits, mindsets, behaviors, and people that don’t support our goals for the year. It’s the time to wipe the slate clean and put up nice, new, neat lettering that clearly shows who we want to be this year.

Creating Goals (a.k.a. New Year’s Resolutions)

Happy New Year! During this time, lots of us choose to make New Year’s resolutions. These resolutions are goals; things that we want to achieve. The problem with resolutions is that we tend to start strong, but our determination slowly fades. At some point, we end up asking ourselves why we didn’t stick to our resolutions.

The actual choosing part of the goal is the most important piece. The goal must resonate with our hearts. If it is not something that we truly want, then we aren’t going to put in the hard work to achieve it. We must find the Big Why for our goal and hold onto it. Here is a link to a blog I wrote on finding your Big Why: https://kathystoddardtorrey.wordpress.com/2015/01/19/goals-big-why-and-little-hows

Even if we really want to achieve a goal that resonates with our hearts, it sometimes still takes a little creativity to achieve it. Let’s say that becoming fit and lean is a goal that I really want to achieve. I know that I will feel healthier, have more energy, and keep up with my granddaughter better. However, I hate to run, and I detest crowded aerobics classes. In order to accomplish this goal, I need to get creative. Maybe I could learn a martial art or take a kickboxing class. Perhaps I could join a bike club. It could be that I just need to find a buddy to go walking with me. The key is to think creatively and find a way to accomplish the goal without forcing myself to do things I hate.

Sometimes heart goals need a dose of realism attached. For example, I am physically limited in the exercise that I can do. I had brain surgery in 2009 that resulted in a few tiny platinum coils of wire being inserted into my brain. Since the surgery, if I exercise enough to break a sweat, I become ill. I get nauseous and a little dizzy. For up to a week, I will have a rocking headache.

I must accept that I am never going to run a marathon or even a 5K, no matter how much I want to do so. Although those could be real, heart goals that resonate with me, I need to acknowledge who and where I am, and honor that.

Trust me, I went through a huge pity party when I first figured out that I’d recovered as much as I was going to recover. I wasn’t fond of my new normal at all. However, there wasn’t a way to change my limitations. I had to work with them ad adjust my goals accordingly. I can still reach my own highest level of fitness, but it requires creativity as well as some trial and error.

Since I usually work from home, I take short exercise breaks every hour or so. I use three pound weights and straps that attach to a door to do exercises throughout the day. The straps are in the bathroom so I do modified squats each time I go in there. I don’t break a sweat, so I can be dressed for the day. In addition to strength training, I try to walk 30 minutes each day. That gives my heart and lungs an extended workout at a pace that I can handle.

I do have fitness goals, but they are realistic goals that I can achieve without making myself ill. Setting goals that are challenging (and a little intimidating), but also within reach can be a difficult dance best done with a partner. A life coach or trusted friend can help you sort out dreams from pipe dreams. Spending time and energy on a goal that cannot happen is an exercise in frustration and a waste of time.

So here is our summary of how to achieve our goals:

1. Establish a goal that resonates with your heart.

2. Make sure it’s doable. It’s OK for the goal to feel scary and little out of your reach. However, do a firm reality check on it. One way to know if something is possible is to make sure you can do the actions needed to reach that goal. Make the goal achievable. I can’t run a 5K, but I could work up to walking one!

3. Get creative. We can overcome a lot of obstacles, both mental and physical, with a little creativity. If you feel stuck, a life coach is a great person to help you expand your awareness and create new possibilities.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

 Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

 If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Practice Excellent Self-Care

27 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Thriving Through the Holidays, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

inner-child

Series: Thriving Through the Holidays

Skill 5: Practice excellent self-care.

Self-care is not selfishness. We need put the oxygen mask on ourselves before we can help others. We also need to recharge to avoid burn out. Self-care is a necessary piece of dealing with the stresses of life.

Self-care looks different for different people. For some it’s a massage or a pedicure. For other people, it is curling up for an hour with a good book. Self-care also can be meditation or exercise. Maybe a long, hot bath is what self-care looks like for you. Self-care is time spent with yourself that feels rejuvenating.

Of course, the other skills that we’ve discussed are also part of self-care. The goal is to reduce the number of things that are stressful and minimize our stressful reactions to everything. Being mindful, listening without judgment, visualizing our bubbles, and saying no are all things that can help us reduce stress and increase joy.

Many of us put the needs of everyone else ahead of our own. Let’s give ourselves permission to take care of us, too! I ask coaching clients to find a picture of themselves as a child, and to remember that the child is still there inside of them. I tell them to look at the picture of their young selves and ask questions like:

  • Would I let her stay up late all the time and eat bad food?
  • Would I say harsh things to him?
  • Would I not allow some time for this child to run and play?

We would all protect a child and do what is best for him or her. We need to feel comfortable doing the same for ourselves. Each of us has our childhood self inside who is depending on us!

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Create Your Bubble

13 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Leadership, Thriving Through the Holidays, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

create-your-bubble-2

Thriving Through the Holidays

Yay! We made it through Thanksgiving! We don’t have to just survive the holidays. There are skills and perspectives that can help us sail through the holidays with ease and enjoyment. Survival is not our goal. Thriving by creating and maintaining positive relationships and perspectives is what we want to strive for during the holiday season. It is so much more fun and motivating that just slogging through! Let’s make the holidays joyous!

 Skill 3: Create your bubble.

It’s easy to be influenced by the negativity of others. In fact, studies have proven that we tend to mimic the emotions of those around us. We have mirror neurons in our brain that fire automatically when we interact with others. If the other person is happy, then we feel happy. If he or she is angry, we feel angry. Our mirror neurons may fire, but it doesn’t mean that we are a slave to them. Despite the initial reaction triggered by our mirror neurons, we can choose our own emotions.

Sometimes it helps to visualize a shiny bubble around you that protects you from negative energy. Visualize yourself zipping up the front of the bubble if that helps you – like you are zipping yourself into a sleeping bag. Your bubble is a complete barrier that allows only the good and positive inside. The negative cannot get through. There are no holes, no leaks, and no soft spots. Instead of a bubble, it can be God’s love or Universal energy that surrounds you. Visualize and describe it in your mind in a way that has meaning for you.

When Uncle Seibert starts on one of his tirades, mentally zip up your bubble around yourself. Imagine all his negative words sliding past you. None of them make it past your shiny bubble because it is impervious to negativity. It’s amazing how well this works! You get to choose whether or not you let the negativity of others affect you.

If someone is on a huge rant, I imagine a mirror between us – facing him or her. I see them complaining to themselves in the mirror. It isn’t even directed at me. I hope that they can see and hear themselves spewing toxic emotions. Sometimes they slow down when they aren’t getting a reaction. It isn’t fun to rant if you can’t get the other person riled up with you.

When my children were young, I would send them off to school with a shield. Here are the words that I would say, “I am surrounding you with God’s shield of white light, love, and truth. Nothing harmful or negative can get in, only good and positive.” You can phrase it in your own way, but it’s a nice gift to give others; even Uncle Seibert could do with a bubble of his own.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Thriving Through the Holidays: Be Here Now

29 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Leadership, Mindfulness, Thriving Through the Holidays

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

be-here-now

Thriving Through the Holidays

Yay! We made it through Thanksgiving! We don’t have to just survive the holidays. There are skills and perspectives that can help us sail through the holidays with ease and enjoyment. Survival is not our goal. Thriving by creating and maintaining positive relationships and perspectives is what we want to strive for during the holiday season. It is so much more fun and motivating that just slogging through! Let’s make the holidays joyous!

 Skill 1: Be here now.

We spend a lot of time being frantic during the holidays. We worry about getting the decorations up, buying presents, preparing food, traveling, and interacting with our families. When we worry or stress, we are thinking about the future or the past. We remember past holidays that didn’t go according to plan. We stress about the bills to come. We dread conversations with Uncle Seibert who doesn’t share our values or world view.

The best antidote for stress and worry is to concentrate on being in the moment. When we are fully present in the now, we aren’t worrying about the past or the future. We are noticing our surroundings and embracing our feelings. We are paying close attention to the people who are with us. When we live fully in the moment, there isn’t a space for worrying about other things.

We are capable of only doing one thing at a time. Multitasking has gotten a lot of hype, and interviewers still ask job candidates if they can multitask. However, studies show that the answer to that question is no. None of us can pay attention to more than one thing at a time. We can become adept at switching between things, but there is always a loss in concentration and time when we continually switch between tasks or thoughts.

Think about it for a minute. Let’s say I sit down to write notes on Christmas cards, but then start running my to-do list through my head. In reality, I’m sitting at the table doing nothing. I’m not getting the Christmas cards done, and I’m not checking things off of my to-do list. I am doing nothing!

In order to be in the moment, we need to be confident that what we are doing is what we need and want to be doing. That takes some organization and prioritization. We need to make a list, check it twice, and then decide what three things we want to accomplish each day. Once we identify what’s important, all we have to do is buckle down and focus on getting those tasks done one at a time.

It’s good to have a to-do list for home and work. Our goal is to know that what we are doing is what we need to be doing while focusing on that task completely.

We have daily chores, too. We drive kids around, shop for groceries, and we take showers. These are prime times to worry and stress. Focusing on what’s going on in the present keeps us calm and gives our tired brains a break. Remember, showering while stressing over getting everything done isn’t helping you get everything done. Take a moment to feel the water on your skin, smell the soap, and relax your muscles in the warm water.

Focusing on the now is being mindful. Studies show that no matter what we are doing, we are happier if we are doing it mindfully – really paying attention to what is going on now. Going about our holiday activities in a mindful way will help reduce stress and increase the joy that you feel!

 

 

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.