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Kathy Stoddard Torrey

~ Leadership Coach and Trainer

Kathy Stoddard Torrey

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Coaching a Bad Attitude (Part 5)

23 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in #Communication, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

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Tags

#coachingabadattitude, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays, #morale, Motivation

coaching cycle

In part 1 of Coaching a Bad Attitude, we talked about the importance of having a job manual for every single employee. Often, employees with bad attitudes are also people who hold onto knowledge and power. A manual ensures that no one’s daily actions are a mystery, which means that everyone can be let go if necessary.

In part 2, we discussed the importance of the coach having a positive attitude. Leaders are responsible for helping their employees create success. If we get adversarial with employees, we are ensuring a battle during the coaching.

In part 3, we talked about limiting the conversation to observable behaviors. Proving a bad attitude can be a difficult thing.

In part 4, we outlined the best way to have a coaching session, by using the Coaching Dialogue Outline.

It’s important to note that coaching is not a one-and-done deal; coaching is an ongoing process. The cycle actually starts with observation. We watch our employees and notice what they are doing well and what they could improve on. We are great leaders, so we always comment specifically on the good things in a positive way. Areas of improvement are the topics of coaching.

It’s hard to miss a bad attitude, but it’s important to remember that we are looking for specific behaviors that lead us to believe an employee has a bad attitude. We must have specific, observable behaviors to discuss.

We set up a time to talk and follow the Coaching Dialogue Outline. You can download the outline here. At the end of the conversation, we agree. It’s really important for the next phase of coaching that the agreement be in writing. We can summarize our agreement and then email it to the employee.

We could start the email with: I want to make sure that we are both clear about what we agreed to in our coaching session. A summary is below. Please let me know if I’ve forgotten anything or if you feel that something is not right.

Then say something positive about the coaching session and optimistic for the future.

It is imperative that we pester the employee until we get a response. We must have written confirmation of the employee’s agreement to change his or her behavior. Resend the email if necessary, and ask for confirmation. If that doesn’t work, print the email, hand it to the employee, stand there while he or she reads it, and then get a signature.

People can be slippery and claim not to have understood or not to have agreed to what was discussed in the coaching session. People with bad attitudes are often adept at dodging accountability. Do not let that happen. All is lost if we don’t get written confirmation of our agreement.

The next stage of coaching is action. It’s imperative that we follow through on anything we committed to do. How can we expect employees to adhere to our agreements if we don’t? Now is also when the employee will change his or her behavior. We both put what we agreed to during the coaching session into action.

Now we are back to observing. This time we know exactly what we are looking for as far as acceptable behavior. If the employee makes a positive change, yay! We want to be sure to comment on each and every good thing that we see him or her do. Sometimes, that’s all it takes. However, it’s rarely a one-and-done with a bad attitude.

Usually, we’ve got to go through the coaching cycle again. We observe that the behavior hasn’t changed or that the employee is expressing the bad attitude in new ways. Then we start the cycle again. We coach using the Coaching Dialogue Outline, we get written confirmation of our agreement, and then everyone acts as agreed upon.

So, how long do we continue in the coaching cycle? In workshops, I have people guess how many times we should go around before giving up. The most popular answer that I get is three, but the answer is not a number. We go around the coaching cycle until we lose hope. When we feel certain that there is no point in going around one more time, it’s time to leave the coaching cycle and begin the organization’s official termination policy. It’s essential to get HR involved at this point and do exactly as we are told. HR will be grateful for your documentation of the coaching process.

Lots of leaders have trouble letting an employee go. It’s particularly troubling to terminate an employee who does a good job but has a bad attitude. Know that we are freeing the person to find a job that is better suited to his or her talents and abilities.

Also know that a bad attitude is toxic. One person can destroy the motivation and morale of a team. One person’s bad attitude can also create a lot of turnover, which is quite expensive. Studies show that it costs between 50-90% of an employee’s annual salary to find and train a replacement.

In the end, it’s up to the employees to change bad attitudes and negative behaviors. Some just can’t do it. They are too ingrained in their thought patterns and don’t want to see and do life differently. It is their choice – and our choice not to tolerate behavior that affects productivity, efficiency, positivity, morale, and turnover.


For a little bit of fun (and free) leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com. #PositiveEffectLeadership #LeadershipRules #KathySays

Coaching a Bad Attitude (Part 4)

16 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in coaching, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

#coachingabadattitude, #conversationoutline, #discoverandshare, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays

Conversation outline for coaching

In part 1 of Coaching a Bad Attitude, we talked about the importance of having a job manual for every single employee. Often, employees with bad attitudes are also people who hold onto knowledge and power. A manual ensures that no one’s daily actions are a mystery, which means that everyone can be let go if necessary.

In part 2, we discussed the importance of the coach having a positive attitude. Leaders are responsible for helping their employees create success. If we get adversarial with employees, we are ensuring a battle during the coaching.

In part 3, we talked about limiting the conversation to observable behaviors. Proving a bad attitude can be a difficult thing.

Now we are going to outline the best way to have a coaching session by using the Coaching Dialogue Outline. Let’s go through it step-by-step.

1. Before the Discussion. We’ve already talked about this step. We want to bring in a positive attitude and be clear on the outcome that we want from the coaching. Before the coaching session, we also want to consider what the challenges might be for the employee. Generally, the obstacles are ability, resources, or attitude.

For employees with bad attitudes, the root cause may be that they don’t have the resources that they need to perform their jobs. If so, that’s something that we can fix as leaders. Perhaps they don’t have the needed skills and abilities for the job. If it’s a training issue, that one is also on us to fix.

It’s important to consider possible reasons for the bad attitude, but it’s imperative that we don’t make assumptions.

Here’s a summary:

  • Consider ability, resources, and attitude
  • Intentionally create a safe space for the coaching by having a positive and helpful attitude
  • Clearly define the desired outcome

 2. Opening. In this step, we are face-to-face with the employee, and we are telling them what we want to talk about. It’s important to let your positive attitude and intention to be helpful shine out during this step. We can use the CAR format to help us stick to observable behaviors and business-based results.

This is a good time to remind the employee and ourselves that this is a dialogue, not a diatribe. As leaders, we need to do more asking than telling. We are problem-solving together with the employee, not telling the employee what he or she needs to be doing.

Here’s a summary:

  • Use the CAR (circumstance, action, result) format as a good objective opening
  • Emphasize that this is a dialogue

3. Discover and Share. This is THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP! When we skip this step, we miss the information that we need to solve the problems and overcome the challenges.

We, as leaders, want to make no assumptions and put all our preconceived notions aside. During this phase, we pretend like we know nothing and get really curious about what is going on. Remember, we hold onto our positive attitude while asking thoughtful questions.

If we enter the discussion with an open mind, we are listening carefully and willing to change our minds about a situation. It is possible that the employee has a brilliant suggestion. We must put our egos aside and listen without trying to “win.” We all win when our employees are successful.

Lastly, the conversation must include both facts and feelings. One way to bring feelings into the conversation is to name the feelings that we see and watch the employee’s response. For example, I could say, “Henrietta, it seems like this topic annoys you.” It could also be that she is fearful, upset, feeling disrespected, etc. If we don’t get it right, they will let us know, but we are getting to the heart of an issue when we discuss the feeling part of it.

Here is a summary:

  • Set all assumptions and preconceptions aside, and listen without judging
  • Be open to influence
  • Share information clearly without trying to “win”
  • Include a discussion of both facts and feelings

Here are some possible questions to ask:

  • What obstacles are you facing?
  • What feelings are present?
  • Have you faced a challenge like this before? If so, how did you deal with it?
  • Do you see any patterns here?
  • If circumstances were perfect, what would the situation look like? Is there a way to create those circumstances?

4. Develop solutions. This is the brainstorming step. We start by creating as many crazy solutions as possible. In the beginning, we sideline any reality checks. It’s fun! We are asking our employee to get creative.

Then we start discussing the possible solutions that we’ve created, with an eye to what is realistic. Someone’s job might be a lot easier if we hired an assistant for him or her. However, that might not be the best solution for the organization. It can be helpful to discuss the difference between what is best for the employee and what is best for the team, group, or organization. They aren’t always the same.

Maybe we can’t hire an assistant. Are there other ways to remove some responsibilities from the employee if he or she is truly overwhelmed? Sometimes great solutions begin with outrageous ideas.

We want our employees to solve their own problems if possible. They will be more likely to follow through on their own ideas than ours. Also, they know more about their own situation and abilities. As much as possible, we want them to create the solutions.

Here is a summary:

  • Brainstorm as many solutions as possible, without limitation
  • Then discuss options in terms of what is best for the team, group, or organization
  • Allow the employee to come up with as much as possible

5. Agree. We’ve done all the hard parts now. This step is just ensuring that we and the employee are on the same page. We want to capture what we’ve decided in writing. The summary below captures the things to consider in this step.

Here’s a summary:

  • End the discussion with an action plan and summary
  • Ensure that the employee creates and/or supports the action plan as much as possible
  • Connect the action plan with the initial desired outcome
  • Consider ability, resources, and attitude
  • Make sure the action plan is SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound)

6. Close. And we are done! The last thing to do is to check in with the employee to see how he or she is feeling. Ideally, they are positive and excited about moving forward with the plan. That might be a bit much to hope for when coaching employees with a bad attitude, but we can express confidence in their ability to move forward and follow the plan. It’s a good time to remind them of the positive business outcomes that everyone will receive as a result in the change in behavior.

Here’s the summary:

  • Check the relationship
  • Express confidence in agreement and employee
  • Summarize the benefits of the behavior change

The conversation is complete, but the coaching is far from done. Next time we will discuss the bigger picture – the Coaching Cycle.


For a little bit of fun (and free) leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com. #PositiveEffectLeadership #LeadershipRules #KathySays

Coaching a Bad Attitude (part 3)

09 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#CAR, #coachingabadattitude, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays

CAR STP feedback 550 px

In part 1 of Coaching a Bad Attitude, we talked about the importance of having a job manual for every single employee. Often, employees with bad attitudes are also people who hold onto knowledge and power. A manual ensures that no one’s daily actions are a mystery, which means that everyone can be let go if necessary.

In part 2, we discussed the importance of the coach having a positive attitude. Leaders are responsible for helping their employees create success. If we get adversarial with employees, we are ensuring a battle during the coaching.

So now the job manual is done, and we have the proper attitude. The next thing to consider when planning to coach an employee with a bad attitude is, “What is the outcome that I am looking for?”

Most people immediately answer, “I want him or her to have a good attitude!” However, discussing the attitude itself is usually counterproductive. If you sit down to coach me and say, “You need to change your attitude,” my response would be, “What attitude? I don’t have an attitude. You have an attitude!” And we are off and running in a conversation that runs in circles.

We want to discuss the specific behaviors that lead us to believe that the person has a bad attitude. Is there a lot of eye-rolling and negative body language going on? Discuss that! Are there foot-dragging and bad-mouthing behaviors? Discuss the specific behavior that you want to change. It’s the behaviors associated with a bad attitude that we can prove and discuss.

Observable behaviors are facts that a person cannot deny. We want to give specific instances of when a person behaved in a way that was detrimental to productivity, efficiency, or morale. There is a formula that we can use to help us stay on track. It’s called a CAR, which stands for Circumstance, Action, and Result.

We start with Circumstance by describing what was going on when the person displayed the specific behavior that we want to see changed. For example, let’s say that we have an employee named Henrietta who rolls her eyes at what other people say during meetings. We could start with “I want to discuss your reaction to Joan’s comments during our staff meeting last week.” We’ve told the person exactly when and where the behavior happened.

Next, we want to name the specific Action that Henrietta did. We might say, “When Joan suggested that we change the way we process paperwork, you rolled your eyes.” By the way, eye-rolling is totally unacceptable behavior. Next, we are going to explain why.

We explain the detrimental results that come from eye-rolling. It could go like this: “When you roll your eyes, it looks to all of us like you are disapproving of what has been said, which makes people hesitant to speak up. It’s important for the team’s success that everyone feels free to share ideas and even disagree.” We could go on to mention Google’s Project Aristotle and how essential psychological safety is to the creation of a successful team. We are great leaders, so we are sure to have mentioned this before.

We might also say that the eye-rolling doesn’t let us know why Henrietta disagrees. We want to remind her that we value her perspective and want to hear it. We want to hear what Henrietta thinks, but we want her to say it in a respectful way. Now would be a good time to remind Henrietta of our Designed Alliance, which states that we speak to each other respectfully even when we disagree. We are fantastic leaders, so we are sure to have created a Designed Alliance with our team.

Eye-rolling is probably only one of the ways that Henrietta flies her bad attitude flag, but it’s best to deal with one behavior at a time. Pick the behavior that is most damaging to the morale and productivity of the team, and start there.

The CAR format is an excellent way to begin a coaching session, but it’s just the opening. We will talk about the rest of the process next time.


For a little bit of fun (and free) leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com. #PositiveEffectLeadership #LeadershipRules #KathySays

Coaching a Bad Attitude (part 2)

02 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

#coachingabadattitude, #humor, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays, #properperspective

PEA 600 px

Last time we talked about the importance of having a job manual for every person in an organization to ensure that no one is indispensable. Many times, the person with the bad attitude is a star achiever who holds onto information tightly. We should all be replaceable and know it.

Before we start coaching someone, it’s important that we enter the dialogue with the right attitude because it creates a supportive container for the discussion. The container that we create determines the success or failure of the coaching.

As leaders, it is our job to help everyone be successful. We are not accountable for own actions alone. We can declare ourselves successes only if everyone who works for us can do the same. As we consider coaching someone, we want to remember that we aren’t trying to show them who’s boss or put that person in his or her place. We are trying to help them. A bad attitude can destroy a person’s career and damage a team’s morale. As leaders, we have an obligation to help everyone improve and perform their best, and that includes dealing with a bad attitude.

An adversarial attitude ensures that the coaching will fail. The person being coached gets defensive and doesn’t listen. The bad attitude will only increase. It creates a vicious cycle of negativity between the coach and the person being coached.

Envision the attitude problem as an object. When we have an adversarial attitude, the object is sitting on a small, square table between us and the other person. We are squaring off against each other with the problem between us. We want to move over to the other side of the table and face the object side-by-side. We want to face the problem or challenge together. This, of course, goes for all types of coaching and problem solving.

When I work with groups or people having challenges, I name the problem and then choose an object to represent it. The object can be anything – a water bottle, a piece of paper, a paperclip. I place it between them and then have us all move to one side. We all stand together shoulder-to-shoulder and look at the challenge. It’s amazing how much the personal dynamics change when we all stand together on one side of the challenge.

Being positive and helpful towards a person with a bad attitude is difficult, but effective leaders have the self-discipline to stay focused and keep the end goal in mind. Great leaders can put their egos aside and have an objective conversation without getting caught up in the negativity.

Next time we will talk about a few other things to do before the coaching session. However, the rest of the process depends on the leader bringing a positive perspective and attitude to the coaching.


For a little bit of fun (and free) leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com. #PositiveEffectLeadership #LeadershipRules #KathySays

Coaching a Bad Attitude (part 1)

25 Tuesday Sep 2018

Posted by Kathy Stoddard Torrey in #Communication, Leadership, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

#coachingabadattitude, #Communication, #LeadershipRules #LeadYourselfFirst #KathySays

feedback 1 checklist 500 px cropped

Most, if not all, of my coaching clients face the challenge of an employee with a bad attitude. One person with a bad attitude can have an enormous negative impact on a team or group. It’s amazing how much trouble one person can create if they are hell-bent on constant complaining and criticism.

Many times, the complainers are darn good employees. They are knowledgeable and competent at their jobs. They are usually productive, and if it wasn’t for the attitude, they would be considered star performers.

These negative stars usually know that they are good and that the organization relies on them. In many instances, they consider themselves untouchable because of their value and knowledge. Let me assure both them and their leaders that they are expendable.

First, if you are a leader, and one person holds the keys to the kingdom in terms of organizational knowledge and power, change the situation. It’s not healthy. An organization must be able to function smoothly if something happens to one employee. Anyone one of us could be hit by a bus!

There should be a very detailed job description for each employee, including the leader. This description is like a manual that outlines the employee’s daily, weekly, monthly and yearly responsibilities. It would read like a checklist with descriptions. If I unexpectedly didn’t make it to work for a week, someone else would be able to pick up the job description manual and have a pretty good idea of what needs to be done.

Yes, creating these manuals is tedious and time-consuming, but well worth the effort. In addition to insurance that necessary things will get done should someone not show up, the manual adds needed transparency. As leaders, we have a very clear picture of how each employee spends his or her time, which allows us to ensure that the actions are ones that truly help the organization move forward with its mission.

The first step to dealing with an employee who has a negative attitude is to make sure the employee is not indispensable. Share the knowledge with detailed job descriptions, and cross-train as much as possible!

We will talk about how to coach a person with a negative attitude next time.


For a little bit of fun (and free) leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com. #PositiveEffectLeadership #LeadershipRules #KathySays

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