Tag Archives: Motivation

Are you having a good time? WE LOVE IT HERE!

11 Tuesday Jun 2019

Posted by in Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Motivation, Uncategorized

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Until now, I haven’t shared with many people that I was a cheerleader in high school. Although I would not become a cheerleader now nor necessarily advocate it for any young person, it’s who I was at that time in my life.

I learned some valuable leadership lessons about motivating others as a cheerleader. I mean real lessons about how to get people to do things, not just yelling in unison. Recently, I realized that one of the most valuable lessons was about motivating myself.

Cheerleading camp was a grueling, week-long ordeal. We got up at dawn and were jumping, cheering, and yelling for most of the day. Several times we met as one huge group.

The leader of the camp would yell out, “Are you having a good time?”

Our thundering answer was, “We love it here!”

I used the phrase and technique on my children as they grew up. I remember several times sitting in the car with them when circumstances were less than ideal. I would ask in a loud and cheerful voice, “Are we having a good time?”

They would answer in a grudging, sarcastic tone, “We love it here.” However, it did cheer them up. They smiled. There is something silly about the process. More importantly, it underlines the fact that we do get to decide whether or not we like it here.

Recently, I was reminded of a story I’ve seen online several times. It’s probably not true, but it contains a valuable lesson. The story is about an old woman who is moving into a nursing home. In the story, she has never seen her room there.

As an attendant takes the old woman up in the elevator, she says casually, “I hope that you like your new home.”

The old woman answers, “I am going to love it.”

The attendant displays incredibly poor customer service skills and asks, “How can you know that? You haven’t seen it.”

The old woman says, “Because I’ve already decided to like it.”

I’ve been having some difficulty adjusting to my new and smaller home, so the memory of cheerleading camp and the story of the old woman going into the nursing home came at an opportune time. They reminded me that I get to choose how I feel about things. I am choosing to love it here!

The cheerleading camp memory and the story also give clues to the answer to a question that I am asked in leadership workshops all the time. At the beginning of a leadership series, we discuss the important qualities of a leader. We think of leaders in our lives who were truly motivating and inspiring. I ask the group, “Did that leader have a positive attitude?”

They always answer yes. Then I ask, “Do you feel that the leader cared about you?” I always get a resounding yes. I remind them of the old saying (sometimes misattributed to Theodore Roosevelt): “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”

We don’t give our best to people whom we believe do not have our best interests at heart. Caring is a basic motivational technique. However, caring about everyone can be a challenge. The question that I get over and over is, “How can I care about people who I don’t like?”

I struggled with the answer until I realized that like the old woman in the elevator, we decide to.

Deciding to like a situation or care about a person is not easy because it’s not a one-and-done decision. We must continue to decide every second of every day until one day, it just happens on its own. The new way of thinking becomes a habit that we have created with intentional effort.

There are other things that help us care and have empathy for others. Reading books improves empathy. Of course, there is a lot of research behind the Loving Kindness Meditation in which I firmly believe.

We can wave around the Magic Wand of Destiny by making intentional choices in every aspect of our lives. It isn’t always easy and takes constant vigilance to create an attitude or feeling. However, realizing that we can is empowering and life-changing.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

 

Positional Power v. Personal Influence

18 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by in Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

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There is a simple motivational model called the Carrot and the Stick. It’s a metaphor. Imagine you are sitting on a wagon that is being pulled by a horse. If you want a stubborn horse to go forward, you can hit it with a stick. This is negative motivation, and it is fear of being beaten that motivates the horse. You could take a longer stick, tie a carrot to it, and put it out in front of the horse. The horse will move forward to try and get the reward. This is positive motivation. For the long term, you get better results from people by using positive motivation techniques – carrots.

Supervisors’ authority that comes from a job title is positional power. As supervisors, we can do things like putting people in for certain awards (i.e., give them carrots), and we have official ways to discipline people (i.e., use a stick to motivate). Positional power is important, but it isn’t what we want to use all the time because it’s only effective when we are with or near the employee. However, when we leave the area, the employee is no longer motivated. In fact, they will probably not work hard and will see what they can get away with. Using positional authority is a last resort.

On a daily basis, we want to use personal influence because it is more motivating and effective. We create personal influence by building positive relationships. Our employees will continue to work when we aren’t present if we have a relationship built on respect and trust. The main focus of the first section of the course is how to cultivate that personal influence.

One of the first steps is to define the qualities and abilities of an exceptional leader. In the workshops, the list created by participants usually includes knowledgeable, compassionate, confident, creative, approachable, humble, honest, trustworthy, trusting, big-picture thinker, motivating, inspiring, constant learner, consistent, and integrity.

In addition, there are two more qualities to highlight. Frontline employees always list two things right up front: listens and is fair. When we pay attention to people when they talk, it’s called active listening. When we practice active listening, we are letting people know that they are worth our time, that they are valuable. Listening with the intent to understand the other person’s point of view helps to build positive, trusting relationships. When discussing “fair,”  most employees mean not showing any favoritism.

It’s important to know that people usually don’t quit their jobs, they quit their bosses. As supervisors, we don’t want to run people off with a negative attitude. Turnover is expensive for an organization. The statistics vary between 50-90% of an employee’s annual salary. If at all possible, we want to keep people working for us and make them successful.

As supervisors, we have an enormous influence over the people who work for us. We can create a pleasant and supportive environment that makes people want to come to work or a negative, fear-filled environment that employees resent and want to escape. We affect the quality of our employees’ lives at work and at home because people carry their dissatisfaction with work to their homes.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Coaching a Bad Attitude (Part 5)

23 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by in #Communication, coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Uncategorized

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In part 1 of Coaching a Bad Attitude, we talked about the importance of having a job manual for every single employee. Often, employees with bad attitudes are also people who hold onto knowledge and power. A manual ensures that no one’s daily actions are a mystery, which means that everyone can be let go if necessary.

In part 2, we discussed the importance of the coach having a positive attitude. Leaders are responsible for helping their employees create success. If we get adversarial with employees, we are ensuring a battle during the coaching.

In part 3, we talked about limiting the conversation to observable behaviors. Proving a bad attitude can be a difficult thing.

In part 4, we outlined the best way to have a coaching session, by using the Coaching Dialogue Outline.

It’s important to note that coaching is not a one-and-done deal; coaching is an ongoing process. The cycle actually starts with observation. We watch our employees and notice what they are doing well and what they could improve on. We are great leaders, so we always comment specifically on the good things in a positive way. Areas of improvement are the topics of coaching.

It’s hard to miss a bad attitude, but it’s important to remember that we are looking for specific behaviors that lead us to believe an employee has a bad attitude. We must have specific, observable behaviors to discuss.

We set up a time to talk and follow the Coaching Dialogue Outline. You can download the outline here. At the end of the conversation, we agree. It’s really important for the next phase of coaching that the agreement be in writing. We can summarize our agreement and then email it to the employee.

We could start the email with: I want to make sure that we are both clear about what we agreed to in our coaching session. A summary is below. Please let me know if I’ve forgotten anything or if you feel that something is not right.

Then say something positive about the coaching session and optimistic for the future.

It is imperative that we pester the employee until we get a response. We must have written confirmation of the employee’s agreement to change his or her behavior. Resend the email if necessary, and ask for confirmation. If that doesn’t work, print the email, hand it to the employee, stand there while he or she reads it, and then get a signature.

People can be slippery and claim not to have understood or not to have agreed to what was discussed in the coaching session. People with bad attitudes are often adept at dodging accountability. Do not let that happen. All is lost if we don’t get written confirmation of our agreement.

The next stage of coaching is action. It’s imperative that we follow through on anything we committed to do. How can we expect employees to adhere to our agreements if we don’t? Now is also when the employee will change his or her behavior. We both put what we agreed to during the coaching session into action.

Now we are back to observing. This time we know exactly what we are looking for as far as acceptable behavior. If the employee makes a positive change, yay! We want to be sure to comment on each and every good thing that we see him or her do. Sometimes, that’s all it takes. However, it’s rarely a one-and-done with a bad attitude.

Usually, we’ve got to go through the coaching cycle again. We observe that the behavior hasn’t changed or that the employee is expressing the bad attitude in new ways. Then we start the cycle again. We coach using the Coaching Dialogue Outline, we get written confirmation of our agreement, and then everyone acts as agreed upon.

So, how long do we continue in the coaching cycle? In workshops, I have people guess how many times we should go around before giving up. The most popular answer that I get is three, but the answer is not a number. We go around the coaching cycle until we lose hope. When we feel certain that there is no point in going around one more time, it’s time to leave the coaching cycle and begin the organization’s official termination policy. It’s essential to get HR involved at this point and do exactly as we are told. HR will be grateful for your documentation of the coaching process.

Lots of leaders have trouble letting an employee go. It’s particularly troubling to terminate an employee who does a good job but has a bad attitude. Know that we are freeing the person to find a job that is better suited to his or her talents and abilities.

Also know that a bad attitude is toxic. One person can destroy the motivation and morale of a team. One person’s bad attitude can also create a lot of turnover, which is quite expensive. Studies show that it costs between 50-90% of an employee’s annual salary to find and train a replacement.

In the end, it’s up to the employees to change bad attitudes and negative behaviors. Some just can’t do it. They are too ingrained in their thought patterns and don’t want to see and do life differently. It is their choice – and our choice not to tolerate behavior that affects productivity, efficiency, positivity, morale, and turnover.

For a little bit of fun (and free) leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com. #PositiveEffectLeadership #LeadershipRules #KathySays

Motivating Self and Others: Tips and Tricks

28 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by in Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Motivation, Uncategorized

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We’ve discussed the research around motivation. It’s always good to know what has been tested and is reproducible. However, when it comes to motivation, I will do whatever works! Here are some tips and tricks to keep yourself going.

Necessity and Fear. Necessity is the mother of invention, and it’s also a parent to motivation. If it’s mixed with a touch of fear, it’s even more motivating. The car breaking down, a poor lab result on cholesterol, and a visiting relative can all be very motivating in the short-term. We don’t want to live life under threats; it isn’t sustainable. However, necessity and fear can get us unstuck and moving.

Mindset. Too much necessity and fear can be overwhelming. That’s when we need a shift in mindset. Let’s say that we are facing a divorce or a layoff. Fear can be paralyzing. Keep in mind that the only time that we can do something about the situation is now. We only have the current moment to take action. We can ask ourselves, “What one thing could I do right now that would help this situation?” Then do that one thing. Action feels good and can help us get started when taking on huge challenges. It definitely beats sitting and worrying, which don’t help one bit.

Music. When faced with cleaning toilets or dusting, I put on some peppy, upbeat music. I have a playlist called “Putter” for when I’m puttering around the house doing mundane tasks. I dance as I go and get in a little aerobic exercise.

Audiobooks. When my children were young, I cooked a lot of dinners. I truly detest cooking. Seriously, I had to force myself into the kitchen at dinner time. Audiobooks saved my sanity. Maybe listening to books was more of a distraction than a motivation, but it got me in the kitchen and cooking without using every one of the day’s Emotional Pennies.

Podcasts. I am late in joining the podcast party. I am not sure why, but it makes me feel old! There are a bunch of motivational podcasts. I wanted to write that I was going to try one, but none of them resonated with me. Hmmm. Maybe it’s time to start a podcast. I will let you know if I find or create one. Let me know if you find one!

Apps. There are quite a few motivational apps for your phone. One, called Motivation Quotes – Daily Quote, will send you one a day. I use an app called Due. It’s free. I use it to schedule reminders to pop up on my phone throughout the day. Here is my list:

9:03am Engage! This one is to encourage me to stay present and work toward my current goals.

10:10am Accept healing. This is a reminder to slow down, take a breath, and remember that all types of healing are hindered by stress.

2:00pm Have faith. You can do this! So 2:00pm is often when my energy flags. During all-day training sessions, 2:00pm is the lowest point. This is just the encouragement I need because it reminds me of all the times I’ve succeeded before.

5:15pm Looking forward to tomorrow? I read an article about an old woman who was talking about the keys to her longevity. She said she made sure that she had a good reason to get up the next morning every day. This reminds me to question the structure of my life. Have I included things that make me look forward to the next day?

8:08pm Time to count your blessings and accomplishments for today. My intent is to write down three things that I am grateful for each day. This reminder gets me to at least pause and think about them.

It’s easy to schedule the daily reminders. Feel free to use some or all of mine, or create your own.

Ego. We can pull in our egos when it will help us achieve our goals. Let’s say there is a person who does what I do who is not as talented or smart, but who is wildly successful. Her success is due to luck and connections. When I start to slow down on my career goals, I pull her image into my mind and think, “I am better than her, and I am ready to prove it.” Now, this is not a shining example of my love for mankind, but I don’t wish her ill. I just want to do better than she does. Her success is an affront to my sense of fairness. I let my ego out to play when I need a serious kick in the tail. Keep in mind that playing to our ego is different that going out for revenge. Revenge is a poisonous motivator.

Rewards. We know that rewards work. They aren’t ideal long-term strategies, but they can be useful. I tell myself that I can play Plants v. Zombies for 15 minutes if I will work for 45 minutes. It’s a reward that works for me. I have also rewarded myself with flowers and boots when I achieved a goal. I’m even motivated by the reward of stickers on a calendar. Fortunately for me, my reaction to even minor rewards is positive.

I want to mention one ineffective motivator that I see clients using all the time – negative self-talk. Telling ourselves that we are fat slobs who need to go for a walk isn’t effective. We might get up and moving every now and then, but we are breaking our own spirits! Give yourself a pep talk instead and remind yourself of your Big Whys.

If something gets you moving toward a goal and doesn’t make you feel like a loser or a monster, it’s a good motivator. I am all about finding what works and using it to help me achieve my goals. For you, it might be posting a picture by your computer of what you want to achieve or listening to gospel music. Or you can talk to yourself in the mirror like this little girl whom I adore: https://youtu.be/qR3rK0kZFkg

All that matters is that it works for you!

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Motivating Self and Others: What Motivates Us?

07 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by in Leadership, Motivation, Uncategorized

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There are almost as many theories of what motivates us humans as there are stars in the sky. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. However, look at the Wikipedia article on Motivation to get a small glimpse into the world of motivation theories.

I’ve read a bunch of them, and I find few of them memorable or useful. I think David McClelland’s popular theory is a little disheartening. He states that we are motivated by a need for power, affiliation, and achievement. Those don’t feel motivating to me, but maybe I am not in touch with my inner power-hungry self.

The theory that I like best is Dan Pink’s in the book Drive. He states that we can foster intrinsic motivation through autonomy, mastery, and purpose. These are simple and make sense to me.

Let’s start with autonomy. We all like to do things our own way. I use a cool demonstration with a dog leash to illustrate how much more we struggle against authority when the leash is short and we aren’t given a lot of freedom. It’s not any fun to follow someone else’s procedure to the letter.

I, for one, like to be able to show some creativity that plays to my own strengths and interests. Otherwise, I feel like a robot. Henry Ford did not understand this concept. He asked, “Why is it every time I ask for a pair of hands, they come with a brain attached?” Not. Interested. If you want to motivate me, you let me engage my brain and my hands.

I totally get mastery. When I take on a new task or action, I will do it over and over again until I have mastered it. The rhesus monkeys in Harlow’s experiment that we discussed last week are a good example. I still have the wooden Soma cube that I spent hours figuring out as a child. Every now and then, I will pull it apart and put it back together just because I can and want to. I have mastered it, and it feels good to solve it.

The final piece is purpose. It’s a big one! We started out the year setting goals and finding our Big Why as described by Simon Sinek in his book Start with Why. I have published a blog every week this year because I have a sense of purpose in creating and completing them. My granddaughter is one year old. I will be long gone before she is old enough to be interested in the concepts that I teach and discuss.

That thought saddens me because I know how useful leadership concepts are in creating positive relationships and a successful and peace-filled life. I desperately want her to have this information. The only way I see it happening is if I take everything that is in my head and put it on paper. This year is a sort of love letter to my granddaughter, any future grandchildren, and to you! It feels like a legacy – which is very motivating.

When trying to get someone else to do something, it’s a good idea to create autonomy, mastery, and purpose for the person doing the task or action. What can you do to give someone more control over the task? Does the thing have to be done a certain way, or is there some wiggle room for the person to do it his or her own way? Does the person have the opportunity to master the task? Is the purpose of the task clear to the person performing it? We can help others by creating Pink’s three conditions as often and as much as possible.

It’s also worth using Pink’s three motivating conditions to evaluate our own lives. Can you use one or more of them to motivate yourself? If you aren’t motivated to do something, why are you doing it? I don’t mean that in a “you should stop doing it” sense, although that could be the answer. However, many times we must get through something hard to reach an ultimate goal. We can find ways to motivate ourselves using autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Purpose is always the ultimate motivator for me. If I can find a way that an action helps me to achieve my goals, then I can power through it.

We can make life easier if we are willing to create a motivating environment by fostering autonomy, mastery, and purpose for ourselves and others.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.

Motivating Self and Others: Intrinsic v. External Motivation

31 Tuesday Oct 2017

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Until about 1950, scientists believed that there were two types of motivation: biological and reward/punishment. Biological motivation is driven by our biological needs to eat, sleep, etc. Scientists believed that the only other way to motivate someone was to offer a reward or threaten a punishment. Wow. That isn’t a very enlightened or flattering view of human nature!

In 1949, Harry Harlow was doing behavior experiments with rhesus monkeys. He planned to test the effectiveness of rewards and punishments while the monkeys solved a puzzle. Two weeks before the experiments started, he put the puzzles in with the monkeys so that they would get used to them.

A totally unexpected thing happened. Without rewards or fear of punishment, they solved the puzzles frequently and quickly. They did it because they liked solving the puzzles. Harlow called it intrinsic motivation, and it was a revolutionary theory.

Harlow decided to test the effects of raisins as rewards for finishing the puzzle, and the monkeys did worse! They solved the puzzles more slowly and made more errors. That was mind-blowing to a scientist who believed that rewards always improved performance.

The scientific community refused to believe the new evidence in 1949. Harlow faced opposition and ridicule, so he dropped the topic and moved on to other research.

Another scientist began researching the topic of intrinsic motivation in 1969. Edward Deci did a study with men and women to find out how pay influences the way people work. He split the participants into two groups. Both were asked to solve a challenging puzzle on three different days. One group was never paid for the task. The other group was not paid the first day, was paid the second day, and then was not paid on the third day.

The unpaid group worked longer on the puzzle each day. The second group worked less on the puzzle the third day when not being paid after receiving payment on the second day. Deci concluded, “When money is used as an external reward for some activity, the subjects lose intrinsic interest for the activity.” He found that rewards can create improved performance but that eventually motivation declines. No one expected rewards to have a negative effect.

In workshops, this is the point when people ask, “Does that mean that we should work for free?” The answer is no. We should be paid a motivating wage for the work that we do. The findings do, however, put the matter of bonuses into question.

Through coaching and interacting with others, I’ve concluded that we all crave challenges that we can overcome. Some of us hunt for bargains. Others train for marathons. If you look around, people who are happy are leveraging their intrinsic motivation just like the rhesus monkeys did when they solved the puzzles.

There are several theories that describe the conditions that foster intrinsic motivation. We will talk about a few of them in the coming weeks. In the meantime, what motivates you? Do you have challenges in your life that feel like fun? What makes a challenge fun for you? It’s worth the time to figure out what sorts of things and conditions make us want to take on and solve a challenge because we are happier when we have fun challenges at work, play, or both.

For a little bit of fun leadership development, join 53 Leadership Challenges at KathyStoddardTorrey.com.

Want to go further with your professional development? Check out the courses offered at PositiveEffectLeadership.com.

If you are interested in taking your career to the next level quickly, contact me for a sample coaching session at KSTorrey@tapferconsulting.com.